hey! back from the course... today was much earlier... reached home at 10 30.. compared to yesternite.. 11 plus... Aniwae had a total fun coz it's game and strategy... less of drilling.... Feels good to workout after soooo long!! I will try to maintain that fitness level... insyaAllah! Will train on my own plus with the kidz :) Now i finally have a game plan in mind...i wil make sure that i play my move carefully and never give up till the game ends!!! And the game ends exactly the way i want it to!!! wahahhaahhax...very competitive and demanding rite... hahaha... aniwae i guess i am the only player coz i trust myself the best! :) *wah action but true rite? I have started it....but made a few stupid mistakes! kena scolding for nothing! Okay my game plan is something to do with my personal life... i am not goign to sa-bo ppl or watsoever... hhhhahhahaha!!! it is for me well-being... coz it is no use to just sit there and accept injustice towards you!!! personally i dun think i deserve it.... so ya i have to do something about it!! :) atleast i will noe that i have tried... but now i am gg to be more courageous!!! jia you fazilah!!... i give myself 5 mths to do something about it!! if can't... hopefully by 8th mth i will end the game! :) This is call bo-liao!!! hahhhahaha... hopefully it works!! :P tired~!!! gonna shut my eyes soon! :) Tomolo will be a good day!

5 Min to class~~!! No time to blog :( ANiwae wat can i say... been caught up with work... and floorball course.... Aniwae did a minor change... for the first tme i went threading!! hurt like hell!!! Actually quite pleased with the result..... And i had a fantabulous weekend esp on sat with hal and liza! went to watch a play and then lunch (liza treat) and then shopping and lepaking at esplanade!! Sunday was the day i pamper myself a bit... and this week will be a hectic one!!! just wating for thursday to come coz i will not be so packed!!! shall continue later if time permits :)

wat was i thinking

Updated activities after skool:
wed-town!
thurs-town!
friday-err home?!!!!! (stuck to tv!..watched chandhi chok to china again! and then suria channel all the way..)'

my mood is always topsy turvy... never constant... just like this morning... i feel a rush of happiness when i stepped into the office... then get to noe that my class has no teacher... they didn't plan relief for my class... i was like "WTF!" my mood turn sour...so i went up to my class 1 hr earlier ... and seeing them motivates me.. onlee for today... end of school got meeting for PLS...mealworms have arrived... haven eaten... wah SIANZ!!!!! can't even talk to my friends!! so my mood from 100% SHOOT ALL THE WAY DOWN TO 20%... had floorball...it was okay except that i can't believe i actually shouted at the kids and suddenly i realised that I ACTUALLY NOE WAT TO DO!!! Their positions and how they have to receive or pass... and everything seem so clear now to me!!! i was kinda happy :P but the problem after skool i have no plans... should have ask JC out.. but i was too eager to go home and bathe... oh by the way i was wearing my skirt and blouse while teaching floorball.. coz i thought Mr Ash will stay but he didn't... aniwae ya i went straight back home... i can't bellieve i actually reached home at 6 50!!!

Tml have 3M!! kind of excited!! hehehe... and then the PLAY!!! going with halawah and liza!! tml i planning to go back late again!!! but still no plans after the PLAY...nvm tml i will ask around who is free in the evening! :)

my eyes are heavy now...


PS: thinking of u make me smile! imagine if i see u sia! smile??

can't sleep... dunnoe why...

so decided to blog...
AFter such a long time.. finally went out to eat with Fahmy! as well as red and hal..
Really wanted to have a break from the rush of work! it's like i sat at my workplace and totally no mood and blank out... probably lack of sleep.... so ya chilling with friends really work!!

Aniwae took cab home so reached home at 9pm ... quite early.. wanted to reach home later but turn out to be early! such a good girl fazilah!!

WEDNESDAY: hectic day!!!

sometimes

Saw the photos that your friend tagged u in....

Kinda feeling angry and maybe depressed a bit...

I noe it is your life... but why do i feel like i am not in your life anymore....
I dunnoe whether is it me or u....

Baru ajer we kluar...u dun bother telling me anything.. i was so patient with u that sepatutunyer kiter kluar berdue ajer but dier banyak pandai bawak sedarenyer... like ape seh! and then dier mcm dah berubah lah... i dunnoe whther it is me or u that have changed.... aaargghh!!! damn facebook too... it can show more than we expected.... u and ur kawan2 boleh belah lah!!

sekarang... i dunnoe whther to pretend i dun see it or to confront it.... i guess being me... i will probably pretend that i dun see it and keep this case closed!!! aaaarrgghh!!!! i am just waiting for the right time.....

sometimes to be good it is not easy... ppl will "push" u away.... and sometimes to be bad i guess it is easier and u feel accepted at the same time...

Now then i realise how important it is to have a true friend....

Now mcm like i feel like there is no one around me yang i can rely 100% on... sometimes the closest to u may not be the right person to rely on... and sometimes a stranger can help u when u r really in need.... so who to trust??? who to rely on??? still working it out... but i noe God is fair and that is why He blessed me with many good colleagues around at work... i can't have the best of both world rite... that is how i can see it positively...


Current mood: 99% sianz.... 75% missing-u-mood..... 100% thankful to God.....20% happy (have not had a good luff since days ago....)

batam trip

Batam trip was funtabulous!!

It was a mad rush when we were trying to board the ferry...that was all due to the careless lady who did not scan or do some stuff with our boarding passes... I felt asleep in the ferry... so the ferry ride was okay i guess... hahahax

Tempat senang is very wonderful!! so serene..calm and peaceful!!! after that we went shopping and ate A&W!!! root beer float and curly fries! *MARVELLOUS!*

Reached the resort just in time for dinner and after tat we watched some dvds... everything was perfect except when my foot was bitten by a female mosquito!!! very uncomfortable feeling... Then while sleeping... kena bitten on my hands!!

The next morning we went for a swim!! quite syiook!! however it was a deep pool... kinda tiring... if it was like medium pool atleast can play catching... hahahaha....but we kena chased out for making noise!! but there were like only 3 of us in the pool... and i dun recall me LOL..or we made noise!!

I was trying to run away from having the spa thingy.. but can't... felt very uncomfortable while they scrub my body and all... it was such AN EXPERIENCE~!! if i was given a choice to do it again..i won't take the spa paxkage... i guess i am too shy!!! hahhahax!!! maybe if i'm older than might consider.... after that went shopping again! and then went home...

time flew very fast~!!! when i'm starting to enjoy the trip to the fullest... we had to go back home :( wishing for more trips with the gerek ppl!!

i would like to thank..yani.liza.halawah.syairah(hopefully i got her name correct).katt.rita and reduan for making this batam trip a memorable one for me :) it was my first time to batam and i have loads of fun!!

The clouds passed

Everything is finally falling back to places...

Had a lot of fun already on the start of holiday!!
Yesterday went out wit red and JC... they were finding for some art stuff... i am the sibuk sibuk one there.... ahhahaa then went IT fair... bodyshop and the other sales items... bought perfume and some body shop stuff... it's crazy man!! were with hal..liza and red's friend (still can't get his name)... then bumped into my other 2 colleagues.. then ate dinner... lepak while waiting for red to watch late nite movie... we watched red riding hood kat amk hub at 1140 pm ... but by then my eyes were teary... dah ngantuk but the stiory not bad... but the cinema is damn cold!! so bring a jacket!!!

Then Hal's bf drove us home.... so sweet of him!! can say one of the best nite for me this year!! besides the KL and the hotel trip... coz the company is great!!!! u all noe that red is a funny guy and his friend is the same.. so is like double dosage of red... and we can go crazy laughing non-stop!!! Laughter really brings happiness... and i strongly believe that laughter is the best medicine in the world!!! :) i noe my laughter is sometimes uncontrollably loud and can be a nuisance at times...but i will try k to control.... i am just afraid if i go out on my first date..the guy would just run away after hearing my laughter...hahhhaha!!!

ANiwae now packing to go batam with another bunch of gerek ppl!!!!! i am very thankful to be in xishan now... the teachers there are like so crazy and insane!!! will be in batam for like 2 days!!! yahooooooo!!!!!!! i think i can't sleep tonite!!!! :)


PS: "i dunnoe when actually...still recalling..."

indeed today can be called a good day!! didn't scream that much at my kidz..... had recess with them... fun!

Got alot of things to settle... weekends not so productive coz i have been finding excuses to get out from my place but now no more!! will lovk myself in the room!! :) trying my best not to go out!!! :)

GTG back!!

So far so good...

Didn't talk to her and her!!!

Today let's plan... err.. no plan.. coz got tuition.. how abt dinner? hmmm.. either starve or buy back which means.. i will have dinner at 10!! wah lau!!

Let today be a good day!
Let today be a good day!
Let today be a good day!
Let today be a good day!
Let today be a good day!

***psycho-ing myself***

from now on... IGNORE BAD BEHAVIOUR...easy but diff!

I have lost the purpose of coming home...
ALot of things have been going on.. been avoiding everyone in the family...
dunnoe wat i am doing.... not wanting to go home....
kinda feel bad coz i made my friends hang out with me till late...wat's wrong with me!!

Okay i am locking myself in the room right now... later going to meet farida at her place.. how exciting... been thinking thru... i am making the situation worst i think....

Now i shalll write down the solution that worked best on me...those having same problems should try out...

1. Ms Yani advised me to SWITCH OFF! (tat means.. ignore watever she say) and i am going to do just that... i will only talk to her if i find it necessary... this also apply to my adik and maybe my whole family... i dun want to inform them about anything that happen in my life or at skool.. useless.. no one want to hear it anyway... they will just tak layan..so why waste my breathe rite...

2. Enjoy my life.. go out with friends... shall not burden them with my problems anymore.. i reallly feel bad... so the best thing go out and enjoy and laughing it out (my crazy friends..esp that reduan.. the funniest joker i ever met! he will do nonsense and kuku stuff and never fails to make me luff! though at times it can be quite annoying but funny lah he

3. If i have any problems i will write down in my diary (i do have a diary hor!) and of course will tell darsha!! or my elder sis... they are the ones who noes me inside out... coz i have been bothering her since years ago... hehhehehe and shall not upset the rest :)

4. Life is too short... gonna do the right thing now that benefits me!! work and soon study.. no more finding for mr right! he don't exist!!!! wasting my time onlee!!!

Aniwae i am glad that my colleagues are my FRIENDS...... they are all very helpful!!
thank you and soory to trouble u guys too...
faridah.halawah.yani.rita.hazel.fahmy.reduan.gaya.JC.addy.gab.mabel.and zaki. Thanks for being there when i needed someone.

I broke down!!!
Been enduring the pain since the last time i broke down... which is last year~!!
Can't help it...
will talk about it later.. if not i will just tear again...

finally something to smile about!!!
-going KL with fahmy and saedah!! so harpie!!!

Will blog more about it later!

The chosen one!

kuch kuch hota hai??

wahahhahax. they say it will just take a moment to love someone and a moment to hate someone... wonder whether it is true....

Today is much better!!! probably coz i did not talk to her for quite long....
and maybe because i shared my problem.. hmmph maybe... sometimes i just feel like shouting out my secret to the WHOLE WORLD!!! but i can't!!! i can't keep it any longer... it is killing in me inside out!! i guess coz i am aging..wakakakakka

ANiwae now got piles and piles to mark!!!!

strangely my student sms me!!.. she doesn't talk... but she can be naughty at times.... she is adorable... she is upset coz she got chicken pox... poor girl...

My thoughts are all over the place... and my table is very very untidy!!! i guess i need to have a rest first....hmmmph... hahahhaha ...

current mood: 70% confused 20% stress 90% happie :) 50% still thinking about that....MANAGE~!

Finally opened up to the malay teachers about my family... it is too long a story... started out in 2005... still looking for a better solution....

haiz... no use trying ot be good at times...

gonna go for lesson soon.. alot of work to do... can't wait for tml to end! sadly i can't make it for tml outing.. gonna miss all the fun :(

will blog more later....

Okay wokay!

Feel much better now.... gain back my appetite...
but pissed off by HER sms... in the middle of doing my work...

Haiz... nampak gaya tak tido lah malam ni lagi.... will have tuition later... to sort of distress also....
atleast i can have a night ride alone :)

average

wanted to blog yesterday nite... but as usual... when i am on my bed.. my eyes auto shut...

Yesterday was one hell of a day... in school was hectic and all as usual... it happen after school... had no appetite to eat though i am deadly hungry... then went out with the usual ppl.... went to arab street.. still no appetite to eat!!!!!!! aarghh... i think masuk angin is it??? i dunnoe also...

Then after tat met darsha ... finally i decided to drop by her office at woodland... on the way in the train then i realise why i have no appetite and kind of hard to put a smile... luffing is another story coz the ppl i go out with is funny to the max!!! just smiling is kind of difficult for me nowdays ever since that faithful day...

So when i met darsha i kind of pour out my problems which surprisingly i have kept inside me for so long... We re-open the topic again...

The 3 things she advise me to do:
1. do not feel guilty
2. learn to love yourself
3. smile (which is now i find the hardest to do)

I think it is a good advice.. it can appply to other ppl also... I am very glad that i shared with her my problem coz she is the onlee one who noes me inside out except for my younger sis of course... but u noe wat my adik has been neglecting me ever since she and my kakak is having korean addiction... they will watched the youtube like 24 hrs... talk to her like talking to the wall.. so tat is why now i prefer to go home late and hang out rather than be at home and alone...

Gonna start work very soon... hopefully the 3 things will help me out in terms like this...

everything happen for A reason... and i am still wondering why it happen??

Shall make use of this short break to blog..

Today started off quite hectic with the mini mini prize giving for floorballers...
Then now it gets more and more hectic... just waiting for my 5 periods straight of teaching~!!! really messy... teaching.. group work..then individual.. and then back again.. aiyoh.. can be quite messy...

But watever it is .... I LOVE MY CLASS still~!!! I love ALMOST everyone! hahahah...

Hmmmph... later after school will settle some stuff... hopefully can leave school before 6!! Charged my mp3 already so can listen to the songs!!!

I want to watch RANGO!! saw the trailer... damn cute and farni!! now need to find ppl to watch with me on 10 March or maybe that weekend! :) something to look forward tooo....

Oh ya before i forget... i would like to thank fitri and halawah for giveing me your support and encouragement :P But i feel like quitting ... i am gonna let them down sooner or later :( -----------[*stop thinking negative!!]

Current Mood: 40% drained... 60% sleepy... 30% happie... 70% "feel-like-punching-someone-face-mood"