shameful confession

Life is really throwing me lemons.
I think if i were to make lemonades out of these, i can start my own production factory of lemonades.

But the wall i had luckily it wasn't fully down.
Another one has been added to my confused friends list.
He turned out to be just the same as my previous one.
His experience and his plans are the same.

But looking at him and the vibes i getting i pity him. I see myself in him. I see my past in him too. but of course we have opposite extreme interest except for lame jokes.
Coz somehow with him i shared my deepest but not so dark secret which i didnt even noe exist. he make me reflect and i realise i am screwed.

I should have just stayed away from him in the beginning!!!!!!! AARGGHH!!!

Maybe coz i am influenced by my friends..
But i can swing both ways too.. just like them...
I thought it was just a phase... and maybe it is still now... i am not sure.

There are a few girls that i have crushed on till now...But i thought it was a normal thing..
Then i analyzed why am i attracting friendships from gays.. but maybe coz its just my friendly personality
Then why are my groups of friends used to be guys and i communicate with guys better... but maybe genetically i am a tomboy
WHy these male friends of mine are not interested in me.. always bro zoning me.., so i thought i am not attractive enuff or my attitude..
Then it all makes sense when i entered that cafe... i get all excited and my mood was liven up and then i thought to myself.. maybe i am swingin the other way...

But yes i do love guys..., but since our personality are too similar to be attracted to each other i guess maybe there is another side of me...

But maybe all these are just temporary or i am feeling this way as i am single...
So now u noe my brain is fucking screwed....

And then this character came and i thought i can become normal again but he just screwed my brain again.

I tried to be on the right path... meeting guys who end up becoming friends..surround myself with straight people but nooo coz my favourite people are not...

and ya that is why i agree to arrange marriage so that i noe i will be in the right path even though my feelings are questionable.

But i really wish my true love turns up soon. a guy who will sweep me away and change the way  i think i am.
I am going to open up my heart for my husband to be coz the longer i wait i will get influence by my own thoughts and nature. Wish me luck guys!!