shameful confession

Life is really throwing me lemons.
I think if i were to make lemonades out of these, i can start my own production factory of lemonades.

But the wall i had luckily it wasn't fully down.
Another one has been added to my confused friends list.
He turned out to be just the same as my previous one.
His experience and his plans are the same.

But looking at him and the vibes i getting i pity him. I see myself in him. I see my past in him too. but of course we have opposite extreme interest except for lame jokes.
Coz somehow with him i shared my deepest but not so dark secret which i didnt even noe exist. he make me reflect and i realise i am screwed.

I should have just stayed away from him in the beginning!!!!!!! AARGGHH!!!

Maybe coz i am influenced by my friends..
But i can swing both ways too.. just like them...
I thought it was just a phase... and maybe it is still now... i am not sure.

There are a few girls that i have crushed on till now...But i thought it was a normal thing..
Then i analyzed why am i attracting friendships from gays.. but maybe coz its just my friendly personality
Then why are my groups of friends used to be guys and i communicate with guys better... but maybe genetically i am a tomboy
WHy these male friends of mine are not interested in me.. always bro zoning me.., so i thought i am not attractive enuff or my attitude..
Then it all makes sense when i entered that cafe... i get all excited and my mood was liven up and then i thought to myself.. maybe i am swingin the other way...

But yes i do love guys..., but since our personality are too similar to be attracted to each other i guess maybe there is another side of me...

But maybe all these are just temporary or i am feeling this way as i am single...
So now u noe my brain is fucking screwed....

And then this character came and i thought i can become normal again but he just screwed my brain again.

I tried to be on the right path... meeting guys who end up becoming friends..surround myself with straight people but nooo coz my favourite people are not...

and ya that is why i agree to arrange marriage so that i noe i will be in the right path even though my feelings are questionable.

But i really wish my true love turns up soon. a guy who will sweep me away and change the way  i think i am.
I am going to open up my heart for my husband to be coz the longer i wait i will get influence by my own thoughts and nature. Wish me luck guys!!

A character

Am i changin? Or is it that i am showin my true colors? The latter made me think. Maybe probably there is no one affectin my lifestyle.

2017 - i wished for it to be a whole new year.  Makin my family happy is actually the priority. Thus i have succumbed to match makin thingy and even accepted the idea of arranged marriage.
Little did i noe that 2017 is full of changes.. adventures and unexpected turn of events.

Why is that whenever i thought i had a perfect plan and focus but someone ppl around me just screw things up. Moreover i am the type of person who can be easily swayed.

Yea so now this new character came up and i am abit shaken up coz he is very similar to the person whom i once gave my heart away... which was wasted of course..  the most painful experience ever which led me to depression  and totally became a different person after the whole thing.. 

In the beginning manage to avoid but someone circumstances made it difficult. Working in the same environment and living across each other does not help!!

Initially i treat him as a stranger with no emotions but i guess some things he does someone i became quite attached

I am so afraid the same shit will happen... coz i aint tat strong enuff... and guess wat... i am beginning to  get to noe my husband to be!!