weird

Dunno watz wrong with me.... One moment hyper one moment i feel zombified...and then i feel sad... Then hyper again... I guess there's alot for me to take... Alot of factos affecting me :( will update later :(

wtfh

I am totally confused! :/ they make it worst :(

finallie

Finallie the day ending.... Finallie i got my phone... I forgot to bring to skool u see... Now gg to group discussion then watching movie with red! And his biul friend... Hahaha! Hopefully i can release my tension... I onlee told faridah and the ppl down and raz.... Haiz.... Poor them got to listen to me everytime that biatch create nonsense... But this time i did cry abit coz i very sad... When i am very sad i cry.. When i am very angry i will cry also... Hahahaah cannot help it.... But this time a bit coz a part of my heart dah numb pun... Thabks to her... Hahahhaha!

I thought i am okay already liao... but when i read again my post...wah lau it still hurts...aniwae today i am so exhausted... 8 periods with my class.. rcess duty... morning problem....haiz....
to add on... i forgot my hp....how sucky can it get... can't wait... after math remedial i dash out of school!!!!! then got group meeting... alot of things in my head.. but i think the healthy way is to divert my negative thoughts... i reaally need a shoulder to cry on.. hhahhahahhaha!

Today is another day when the devil wants to speak her mind out...
I thought everything was good... i came home before 11 pm k for few days.... but IT is still not happy.... It says that i have changed alot and obviously IT hates all my new clothes... IT is sooooooooo unreasonable..... It says that i work like in a disco!!!! wat the bloody fuck!!!!!!! It rattled on to say all those nonsense.... If i were to apply my knowledge on crtical thinking... whatever she says cannot be taken into account... she assume alot and they are not facts.....
Aniwae...i guess that IT is angry coz i did not turn out to be wat SHE want me to be....

I noe i am being anak derhaka now... but i got to tell u this!!! SHE IS A CONTROL FREAK!!!! everything must follow her way!!!!!!! SHE CONTROL PEOPLE worst than a remote controlling the tv!!!!! people's action she want to control... dressing also.... feeeling also.... who she think she is???? GOD??? She always scold unreasonably... can for once she put herself in our shoes????? my elder sister suffered 28 yrs with her!!! why u think my elder sister has no boyfriend till now....It is all YOUR fault!!!! u control her too much and did not give her freedom!!!!! now u blame and pressure her in getting a boyfriend!! kanena! too late!!! so now u think u can do the same to me!????? u control us freak!!! u keep saying u do a good deed by sending us to skool.... IRRRITATING!!! i dun want u to send me but u force!!! kenasai!! I thought u were kind in encouraging me to take driving license... but u turn me into a driver!!! u dun even let me use the car if i want to go out with my friends!!! u bloody shit!!!
Now u want to insult me and disagree with wat i wear!!!!!! my wish lah... u said i am 24 and i cannot think what is right and wrong... so what i wear now.. i look like a SLUT???!!! u bitch!!!!! I did nothing wrong seh... just that i just changed the way i look.... and i go out for dinner... coz if i'm home she will instruct me to do stuff and they will sleep early... PUKI!!!
I tell u arh... to my relatives who actually read my blog... we look like a "perfect family" and we three sisters are living happily and innocently... but u guys don't know how much we suffered living in the same house as that THING!!! everything she do always got reason...so we have to be careful.... i still dunnoe why my nenek loves her alot compare to my aunty..kalau ikut kan hati i would have run away from that house and live on my own
U noe what.. thank god i still have a loving DAD! i love you father!!! :) i like the way he tegurs me.... it is not in an accusation tone u see... it is more like an advice...and he dun accuse and he listens and he is receptive of people's opinion not like my mom,... she dun listen... seriously she always think she is right... when we correct her.... she will shout... and change topic to scold us about other things.... bloddy nabeh!!
Ya so that is why i dun like to come home already.... i really want to get my mr right soon and get out from that house!!! i am still alive with her thanks to my sisters!! and my father!!

Seriously man... i feel so choked now... the way she scolds me... wah... seriously man... my heart hurts so bad....her words are very sharp... dun bullshit that u think of me... u are just scared that i go away from the house and u will get no money from me rite??!!!! and no one to drive u around??!!! and no one u can order around...u think i stupid ah... FUCK U!!!

SInce i am cursed not to talk back to u... i will take my revenge and i will make sure i will turn my family upside down in my own quiet ways.... MY AIM IS TO MAKE U MALU infront of all my relatives...u think i am still that innocent girl i am right... tell u the truth I AM NOT!!! u just wait and see....watever u accuse me of i will do it and show it right to your face!!!

I have think through about wat u say... i disagree with u all the way... i am sticking to my decision...

tiring!

Today packed! Onlee one period break coz had vetting for the first 3 periods and lessons straight... Onlee can relax before floorball... Then played floorball :) the new coach is kinda good but not like stephan of course! Hahhahhaha! Okay now gg dinner... Oh ya last nite was great :) will treasure it :)

turn of event

Lepakin with 2 most important people! Updating more later :) i shall enjoy every moment :)

a burden is gone!

Okay done with pkm assignment! Now handing in...stuck and jammed... Things i want to do badly: -watch friends with benefits.. -to kill u! -to drink as much coke without having cough -to spend more time with U asshole! wahahhahaah! PS: just to let u noe... When u sing my heart melts!! Hahhhahha! Okay fine! Stop it fazi! Stop blabbering nonsense! I realise arh... If i am tired and late at nite i will start to crap but whatever i say is all the things that i really feel... So if u want to dig out secrets from me... Wait till timee like this...hahhaha! Been listening to bound to you!!! Thanks to U :) Hoping for a betterment and inprovement!

messified

My mind is In a mess... Hard for me to concentrate and do my assignment! Dun want to burden darsha yet with my so called confusions or problemms... Hahhaha gonna stand on my own and settle this myself... After completing my assignment hopefully.. Gonna make some important decisions which will change me... I thinlk this year i went thru a massive change... Wah lau FML! i shall prioritize now! will update later! Never give up on your soulmate! But wat makes u sure she is your soulmate????

try out!

Dwnloaded this app... Just trying :) now so cool! I can blog anywhere and anytinme :)

Exhaustion!
Been going back very very late in the weekends....
I'm surprised i can wake up today and go to work and still functioning!!

Weekends awesome!!! it has been a long time since i went out with my younger sis... did shopping and bitching at the same time.. hahaha! aniwae her olevel is around the corner so that is why i didn't bring her out much .... then went to watch johnny english!! damn hilarious!!! :P wat an ending to my nite! not forgetting the great company i have... my sis and the 2 HUNKS!!! hahhaha!
Then sunday did my mom's elearning thingy... completed 3 modules! yippie!! then went jln raya-ing with same ppl.. hhahha... went to abg mohktar's place.... there's chocolate fondue!! yummy!! and there are 2 veteran artists whom i recognized!! and some anugerah ppl whom i DON"T recognize.. as in i haven seen them before...my adik is kinda star struck! hahhhaha... then we lepak for a little while at yishun dam.. cam whoring...hahhaha.... so went back at 12!!

Oh ya friday nite went karaoke-ing!!! till 2 plus am...singing is not really my thing.. but since the company is superb!! so ya nyanyi ajer lah... hahahhaa but my eyes cannot take it!! Hahahhaah! as usual lah...

Okay this week.. let me predict... so far so good.... no one pisses me off yet... trying to avoid all negative things... Today till 6... got floorballl!! :( tired seh! but when i reached home... i will try to start on my assignment....due this sunday... AAARRRRGGGHHH!!!! or should i just sleep???? hahhaha no no!! i must do the assignment!! okay shall head down to macdonalds today... shall drag my younger sis!!

Just heard the thunder.... the weather has been cooling for the past few days!! which is a good thing :)

oh ya by the way i found him cuter now! :P he has been cute lah... but now cuter... hahhahax!!

Yesterday was damn freaking tired...i didn't even remember how i felt asleep again... when i woke up.. my green tea bottle on my bed.. my hair band on my bed... my phone on the table... strangely when i checked my phone in the morning.. i was twittering HALF WAY and i guess that was when i shut my eyes... Now i am damn sleepy... dunnoe why... that is why i feel like blogging....

One of my friend posted the one of my favourite song last time!! by sugababes! :) -About you now lyrics... I think this song i heard during my JC days?? not sure but very meaningful! :)

Aniwae ya i dunnoe that one word/name/ or watever it is called can really create an impact on me... anyone who said that word to me... my mood will become zero percent!!! hhahhaha.... emo jugak aku ni... but ya for now it is tat word.....

As a warm up.. let's see wat's the plan for today....
LESSONS as per normal...
Followed by LC briefing...
Followed by floorball.....
Followed by completing my markings....
and then i want to go home early and SLEEP!!! aim to sleep at 10pm latest!!!

my eyes are watery... feeling sleepy... today is another dun-talk-to-me day!

There are 101 things i want to blog about.

HARI RAYA VISITING

Unforgettable! went with my colleagues. 7 houses. From about 1 plus to 12 am!! FUN! alot of children! It has been such a long time since i went out with babies and small children coz my cousins are all teenagers. I carried Juliana's son with my HEELS!! hahhahax! feeling mak mak.. but i salute her man! she has twins and she is the SUPERMOM!!! hahhahax... yesterday was my first time frying nuggets!! scary but kind of fun! first time do the mee thingy... i was trying to help nisa.. hahhaha! but after eating her spicy but delicious mee.... my stomach gave way... diarrhoe..and vomiting! guess my stomach is not as strong as my throat!! goiing visiting like this very the keoh and i kinda like it! I did go visiitng with my NIE friends that time and it was different... very relaxed and calmed... but yesterday was a mixture.. i think coz of the hot mummies! and cute babies! and the princesses and the princes... hahhaha

"PAPPARAZZI"

Guess wat! i am caught in picture with reduan crossing the road....and they made a big HU HA!! surprisingly i can't answer them coz they deny everything i said... hmmmph...and they are "planting" thoughts to my minds!!!! being a woman... which i am ... I AM NOT A KUNSAR k!! i will therefore analyse!
let's see... reduan is a nice guy.. my colleague... and now can say my lepak friend... he can cook... he can decorate... he can put on make up...do my hair... he is talented... he is good looking... hmmmph... i love hanging out with him and harshad and halawah coz very the gerek!!! they are crazy ppl who never fails to make us luff!! he is supportive and has helped me in changing my image to be more girl! THANK YOU reduan!! okay so what to analyse arh!! oh ya he is always cheerful and jokin around...
To me he will make a great boyfriend! coz he got talents and loooks! hahhahahax! wnder why his ex left him also...i guess his nature is as such... loves to help ppl and spread joy...so confirm chop guarantee there is no special treatment for me right people??? so in conclusion, he treats me just like his close friends! Furthermore, i am still confused and unstable with no life girl... guys especially see me as their good friends only... fullstop. In sec sch JC and NIE... haiz... guess i have these tomboy traits...so duh!!! if my very first crush( 6 years ago) doesn't even like me... how can reduan likes me rite?? he deserves better girls lah...must be practical at times... i know where i stand k... OMG i can't believe i am doing this!!

Therefore, after analysing it, i think he treats me like a friend and i guess he is in one of my close friend list!.. u see i have limited number of friends.. hehhhe!! I am honoured to have such a talented friend. Hey!! if i think tooo much... it will be awkward and weird coz i might fall for him suddenly since everyday i will be seeing him in school... NONONONO!!! that is called digging your own grave!!! NO SUCH THOUGHTS!!! ya so ppl who happen to read this.. dun spread rumour!! We are just good friends :)

I am going to let this matter go off from my head asap and be as normal as possible coz i feel quite awkward around him and his parents already... *meditate fazi meditate*

GUY ISSUE

SO now i shall look around for muscular guys?? (NO NO!... high chance of being a gay!).. super skinny guys (kumar??? NOOOOO!) or maybe i just want a broad shoulder guy....taller than me...older than me....mature.....stable... pleasant looking face (dun want hensem one like UTT! or Haizad!!... cannot trust)....and the palm should be bigger than mine..okay maybe this sound reasonable... oh attitude wise.. he must be kind hearted.... okay now i am dreaming about my mr right who i not sure exist or not! This is one thing.. the other thing.. i willll NEVER tell the guy that i like him coz i learnt my lesson :( then how like tat rite....haiz i just wish he will appear in front of me and say that ''Hey GIRL! i am your Mr Right?" kan senang rite....hhhahaha dream on!

I believe in soulmate aka Mr Right. (who is he?... MY HUSBAND!...who is my husband... still finding...)

Fazilah's mission in finding her Mr Right! but right now i am tired (too much has happened).... need a break first... next year i will do this mission more heartily....

SCREWING MY LIFE

All i can say now is 2011 has not been that kind to me yet... still got 3 plus months to go... so hopefully it will be much better....my life is screwed about 70%! I just wished that my family can be a normal and happy family like my friends' family....
I was thinking about it... when i am with my ex... his family is always there for me.. and i find happiness in his family...but after i broke up... all i see in my family are flaws... worst i cannot tumpang kasih aniwhere... except darsha's family... which at times are hard coz my mom dun like my bestie for dunnoe wat reason!!!! ... i feel like i am crazy and weird coz i go around wanting the happiness that i desire... is it normal??? NOOO!! so u see my life is screw up rite???!!!

wow!!! i am being so direct... hopefully my family members or relatives dun get a heart attack reading this!! This is just how i feel.....

i smurf u!

Current situation: - similar to the 'DOSTANA!' but i like the older one :( hope u guys get it??!!

These few mths have not been so good.. generally i think this year a bit cock up! mom been unspportive... i broke up this year.... didn't really enjoy hari raya... lazy to go visiting.... kinda feel alone alone... but made some good friends who never fail to make me luff my ass out!!!. let's see what happen nex year... hopefully 2012 will be the best year of my life....

oh ya some random thoughts... u noe if i am still with my ex..i would have gotten engaged by the end of the year... wahahahahax!! crappy!! okay enuff...

MOOD: delighted! SMURFIFIED!!!!!!!!