Is it me?

Hari raya. People are supposed to enjoy and have fun visiting people and eating all the kuih raya and be kecoh kecoh. But those who have lost their loved ones recently, they are unable to celebrate with much happiness. Just like me a few years ago. It was a sad month for us indeed.
This yearmy grandma is unwell. She suffered from a terrible back pain as her bones are very fragile. As usual 1st week of raya we didn't go visiting. Instead they visited us coz my grandma is the oldest compared to the other older granduncles and grandaunts.
I was really looking forward to 2nd week of raya on sunday. Which is like tml!!! i get to wear the new red baju raya and go to my aunt's place and like go visiting one whole day. Though it will be very tiring but the atmosphere and the kecoh kecoh raya is there. As i came home ffrom school daily, i would always see friends and families wearing baju kurung and the smiles on their faces. Envious me. SO i was REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO SUNDAY where it will be my turned!!

BUT~~~~~~~~~i was really sad when i overheard my mom conversation with my fav aunt.
it's in malay.
"hari minggu, aku, farah kau dan osman nanti jalan raya. Biar Fauziah and Fazilah jaga mak kat rumah. Jadi kite boleh naik satu teksi."
This mean that my mom, my fav aunt, farah(my younger sis) and my dad will be going visiting but me and my elder sister hve to stay at home and take care of my grandma. I was sad. I mean for the first time i can really feel that i am outcast. My elder sis dun care coz she will have the chance to go jalan raya with all her friends and she got like more than 2 grps of friends. WHEREAS for me, i have limited friends here and there. Lucky this year got NIE jalan raya. TAT's all. My bf is just a simple visit. jamilah will jjust pop by her place. I have like no proper visiting day. I really want to experience again the joyness of hari raya which i have not experience yet after my granpa's death. Last year during ray my mom felt sick. This year my nenek is sick.

So the moral of the story is tat i'm pissed coz my mom ask me to stay at home to jage my nenek. so tat means my hari raya this year i only go to one house that is my paternal nenek.
Pathetic. Being a middle child is difficult. They heck care abt u. Gaininng their attention is difficult.
They will always ask us to give in..no matter wat..
I tried to be involved with my family. I always try to talk to them about wat happen in skool and life. but i noe they heck care. They just listen to my nonsense coz it is courtesy. u noe y?? twice while i was talking to my mom, she suddenly changed topic and talk to my nenek even though i haven finish my story. From then i knew they did not take me seriously. They used to call me pekak and gemuk. I noe they are teasing me but one period of time they keep calling me and insulting me pekak and gemuk. I mean as a family u shouldn't say all these things.
Am i too sensitive? but to think of it i'm okay if u like call me once or twice..but imagine everyday and everytime u can't catch wat they are talking about, they will say kau memang pekak aper.. that hapen quite sometime ago. now it's better. maybe coz i have my bf. so they accepted the fact that i am abit more mature. i learn a valuable lesson: dun give birth to odd numbered kids except 1.

If i succeeded to become a teacher one fine day, i will not let my students feel outcast. i will sincerely listen to their problems and make them feel belonged.