GooD 4 NothInG

attitude

2012-02-06T19:52:00.001+08:00

Shit i was wrriting half way and i canceled this page witout saving... Wat i want to say is tat there are ppl out there whose job is to irritate ppl to te core... And now i am digging my own grave... I think from now i will become a bitch already.. I am tired of acting and putting up with ppl behaviour.. My patience level has its limit... u noe wat.. Those who read this... If u see me not acknowledging ppl and smiling at them or when i disappear from that particular place.. It means i dun like tat person... I dun want to be friendly anymore... I am tired... Haiya... Actually tats wat happen just now... I dun bother abt my colleagues except for my friends lah.. Raz the grp... Jc.. Addy.. Shida.. and the BTs..Hmmm lets try man.. I noe i will be hated but i think it is for my inner peace... Now i made the wrong decision by gg out with them for dinner.. Coz again i am not comfortable with them... I will just remain quiet lor..

:(

2012-02-02T20:10:00.001+08:00

Haiz... I just tweeted that my planned has been disrupted... I dunnoe why i feel irritated... I guess it happened many times... So ya... Haiz..

:)

2012-02-01T16:46:00.001+08:00

After soo long... U can't stop me... Hhaaha! Evil luffter!!! Okay enough is enough. Me now at millenia walk gym...Hot and non straight guys are here!!!! hahaha okay lah can wash eyes onlee.. Shan't ask for more :)

tuesday blues

2012-01-31T14:25:00.001+08:00

Hextic! Workload slowly piling up!!!!!! Damn it!! Piling until cannot pile.. Hmmmm tml will be the day when i am back to conquer my life as a teacher... Monday and tuesday nite class is quite time consuming but quite relaxing lah...

speaking from experience

2012-01-21T14:11:00.001+08:00

Be appreciative with wat u have.. Any moment it might be lost... Treasure every moment..

me myself and i

2012-01-16T23:55:00.001+08:00

It has been ages since i wrote.. Okay nothin much to update.. Just waiting for time to make my crush go away...hahahhaaa! Dunnoe why i like him sia!! So annoying! It just happen.. U can't really control it... I am so amazed how i can handle it!! I guess i was meant to be born as a man!! Hahhahaha!! or has my heart be numbed? Aniwae ya latest update!! i have a rival!!!! Hahahaha!!! she is a bitch!! Seriously man! Darsha will noe hu ;) not really a rival actually more of an enemy!! Its like when u meet her... Your whole day is unlucky!! Get it? She is the onlee one out there who make my life very miserable.. I dunnoe how she is to other ppl... Dun ever expect me to be nice to u!!!Wow!! There i finally said it... Second update.. Am i turning into a gym freak???? I am addicted to gymnin i guess....

:)

2012-01-08T20:07:00.001+08:00

Today is kinda relax for me.. Didn't go gym... Abit happy but felt quite guilty also... Haiz... Aniwae the happiest thing is tat i finally dwnlded my fav song!! Ungu!! Now i can listen to it non stop! Yeah!!! Past few days abit unpleasant for me but all is good now :)

while waiting and thinking abt u

2011-12-20T21:31:00.001+08:00

Still thinkin abt the counter guy... Hopefully he is the last gay guy i would fall for... Haiz...Actually was trying to avoud him just now.. Then my last break with gaya... He was there and he actually said hi and wave at me :) meltz.. But wat can i do or feel??? I waved and smile too but in my heart i feel like punching his face and straighten him up!!!! Hahhahahahahaa! Now waiting for my hunky friend to eat supper????

gymmin

2011-12-20T12:03:00.001+08:00

In the gym.. Disappointed to know my crush is a bisexual.. Haiz.. One month crush :( Aniwae i still love the quoteMotivation is what gets u started habit is wht keeps u going - fitness firstGuess my motivation is gone :( but thank god there is a habit :)

back in singapore

2011-12-16T19:23:00.001+08:00

Kl trip was fun!! But quite short la.. r we too dependent on our phone?? i noe i am not tat la... But when with friends and all...It is very common that we will be spending more time on the phone than "bonding".. Okay now gtg and do research on horoscopes :)

penning

2011-12-13T13:19:00.001+08:00

It has been quite sometime... Thankfully i take time to think thru my tangled brain... Hehehehe.. Nothin to update... No one is bothering me so far... I dun like it when u ask me something to think abt and sort of reflect and that matters actually turned out messier.. As in no conclusion... Haiz... Currently me happy and busy gymming.. Dunno why.. hahhaha.. Ya.. Gg KL tml!! Fun fun fun!!! The next 2 hrs me gonna head down to the gym :)

hoping

2011-12-06T20:29:00.001+08:00

Wish i were a guy.... Not so sensitive and takr everythin as a joke :)

still liking it

2011-12-05T20:41:00.001+08:00

Sat went gym rite.. Then went out with the 2 hunks again :) hal cannot make it :( aniwae my mind is a bit disturbed by what u did.. kinda shocking and weird but dunnoe why i like it :) never felt tat way before.. I guess wat they say is finallie true.. It just take a moment to spark it off!! damn!!! Looking forward to meet u and gosh i will make sure i respond instead of becoming a rock!!! Hahahaha!!! Oh no how to break the news to hal and red!!! i think i will give it sometime first before i tell them...

pay back time!

2011-12-03T15:28:00.001+08:00

Okay have been slacking during floorball camp :) did not exercise at all... Just eat and sleep and look after kids and talking... Was missing the gym actually... strange and no life rite... ya so now me cycling and typing... Challenging seh... My speed is not constant lah... Hahahhah aniwae planned to go wit shidah to orq ff to do bodycombat but we can't be there on time :( so she went paragon one... so ya here i am at orq!! Gerek!!! Love the view here :) will update again :) jia you fazilah!!

strange

2011-12-02T14:00:00.001+08:00

3 am my sis called me.. Said tat there was a prank call saying i met wit an accident and was in the hospital ... So dejavu... Thought i experience it before... Still in deep thoughts... During lunch had dejavu again... Haiz i think i experienced all this before :(

floorball camp

2011-12-01T22:18:00.001+08:00

Now alone in the staff lounge :( roland and ashari bathing... Haiz.. actually different experience to be hanging out them... Hahhaha not tat bad lah... Not so crazy but actually fun :) Tweeted abt loving my mom... After much thinking and self reflecting i guess she loves me and i loves her :) Hey all i can say i survived this year!! Though there are ups and downs i think this year ia not tat bad... Learnt some things abt me.. Made new wonderful friends :) gonna blog abt this later on after gg for trips :) I love u desi boyz!!! Addicted to all the songs!!

the truth

2011-11-30T19:09:00.001+08:00

Atleast now i shall speak the truth and nothing but the truth... I think i am in love with pitbull!! There i said it! The story is my friend saw that sentence incomplete.. I was twittering and i was interrupted so i wrote i think i am in love... So had a talk with my friend and she talked to me... Ya i admit i had a crush on reduan but after getting to noe him better and his expectation... He dun like me in tat way... So ya i stopped my feeling and all already like a few mths ago... Then when she talked abt it.. Damn ya i think i rely on him too much... Haiz now i got an unrest mind... If not i just go with the flow and follow my heart :)

hmmm

2011-11-22T21:17:00.001+08:00

Suddenly i miss my family... Have been neglecting them... got tonnes of werk!!! Tonite gonna get redbull or coffee and do my epms and floorball camp thingy!! haiya... Prediction 2 hrs of sleep and gonna stay away from my bed coz the bed spirit will drag me on my bed and force my eyes shut and make my body weak ... Hahhahahaa!! aniwae ya me now in the gym!! Guess wat i onlee did one round of jogging .. The next round my leg buat hal!! Nearly cramped.. I guess i overstretched :( Oh ya back to my family.. After next week i will be a good girl and stay at home... It is a real rollercoaster and merry go round... Dunnoe where is the end pt... And she still doesn't noe where she stands in my life!!! if i see her i feel like saying "fcuk off biatch!"but i can't .. Got a rep to protect :) all i can do is to ignore and walk off... Tats life....As for work... Same thing day in and out... Rushing to complete my work... Crazy colleagues and friends to entertain me... Ya and i noe it sounds weird but i really treat a number of my colleagues as my friends :) they helped me alot and i will try my best to help them but i guess i am abit inexperience in all these things so ya...I think i gg to bathe now before the class finishes :)

over worked!

2011-11-19T15:58:00.001+08:00

productive... Can't really say that yet... today woke up late!! I got to go skool for floorball hahhahah.. So my day started at eight.. Tats the time i woke up.. Was too tired i guess.. Didn't even hear my alarm rang.. Rushed to bath and my mom so sweet.. She sent me to school :) played floorball for a while wit the kids an later on cleared my table.. Underneath.. Then met red and off to gym... Actuallie me now in the gym.. Resting... Did my slow jog already... thanks to the hindi movie tat motivates me.. after this i guess i want to jln jln then at nite meet darsha!!! and hopefully i can get some work done :) gonna plan out wat to do wit my life and stop fooling around!!!! Gonna get my serious self out soon... I am 24 and yet i think i am not at that maturity level yet.. As in i still not sure abt how i gonna live my life and what will my future be..Guess wat happen while i am typing this blog????? My eyes just shut for 2 seconds!!! i guess i am physically tired! i need sleep!! Sheesh!! Nvm tml gonna sleep whole day :) Okay gtg and do some arm toning before doing what i love most.. Tat is BATHING!!!! Wahahhaha!!!Chao!!

decision making..

2011-11-18T15:16:00.001+08:00

Dunnoe whther i made the right decision... i guess i really need to be bold and be firm with my decision... But how u noe whether u are making the right one at tat instance???? haiz...My aim now is to learn abt decision making and how to decide quickly and benefits u and at the same time not hurting others... Sounds challenging rite!!! Ya maybe tats why i need to learn abt it :)Aniwae i am happier now :) dunnoe for watever reasons yet...so now i am self reflecting and ya finding reasons for watever i thinking and feeling

exam!!!

2011-11-15T17:02:00.001+08:00

Now at unisim... Exam in abt 2 hrs time :) met two NIE friends and one MI friend :) dun care if u read this... U are seriously damn cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i appreciate watever u do for me :)

productive

2011-11-10T14:46:00.001+08:00

Today is admin day :) quite slack actuallie... But am quite happie for the result :) I hate to let u go.. Nobody is perfect... woohooo!!! Btw i am listenin to tat song now... Lazy to type the whole lyrics :)

givin up

2011-11-09T23:30:00.001+08:00

The onlee person i trust the most... She gave up on me...sobz sobz... i think i shall stop doing it.. Shall be a good girl now... and forever be happy go lucky... The onlee avenue that i can really trash out i guess is my 3 year old diary which is still active u noe... But once someone read it... Tats it!!! hahhahaha!! Lesson learnt: the onlee person u can trust and love the most is actuallie ourselves :)

mystery

2011-11-08T15:00:00.001+08:00

I knew it will happen again... I just knew it.... I think i have sixth sense! :) kwang kwang kwang

interesting

2011-11-06T14:14:00.001+08:00

http://www.iloveindia.com/astrology/sun-signs/aquarius/woman.html- learnt more abt myself!! And ya most of it is true :)

slamat hari raya haji!

2011-11-05T21:27:00.001+08:00

Another special occassion... Family gathering :) went to gym!!! kinda fun :) hmmm can't wait to sign up :) but waiting for pay :( watched bhool bulaiya! ( i think i spelt it wrongly) loved the songs!! Hari ram hari krishna!!! :) now me into bollywood :) hmmm.... hmmmm.... hmmmmmm.... Do u noe that the 3 bloody words??!!! frustration and depression!! Tat explains my mood swings...lessons learnt: think with your brain.. Your heart dun think!! They just pump!!

2011-11-03T08:51:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was cars shopping day!! folllowed my colleague to see cars... so interesting... haiz can't wait for 5 years time... 2016 when i can get my own car!!!! hehhehe!! then ate dinner.. interesting thing... we tried paclova... australian dessert at madjack... not that bad.. a unique dessert :)

Oh ya now gonna plan what to do with my life and do some self-reflection.. i need some goals i guess... tired of going with the flow... and "carefree" life...haiz... This year is like a "fun" year for me! as in i have been hecking care and just go with the flow.. not much achievement...not really progressing... and damn what am i doing in my life....

okay k.. hopefully by weeekend i can draft out a plan just for me myself and I :)

smile

2011-11-02T07:04:00.001+08:00

Yesterday was too tired to blog... Guess wat!! I went to gym!! Exercising after soooo long... Hahha! If u got a great partner to gym.. Confirm gerek :) Feel refreshed but now my otot otot sakit ya... Hahhaa! It was fun!!! :) then dapat lepak skejap kat yishun dam and eat mac fries!!!!! wasted! Hahha but i dun really care coz PBG!! hahahaha!!

clueless

2011-10-31T06:44:00.001+08:00

I sux at solving cases and finding treasures... Coz i am someone who can't really read between the lines and look beyond wat is written... Tat is one of my weakness :( so to tat someone... Pls remember it... I dun understand wat u r trying to say...

inspired

2011-10-30T15:10:00.001+08:00

Am watching the tamil movie... Learnt quite a bit... We can do anything but if time is not there... We won't achieve wat we want... So time is indeed an important factor in our life.. Time will just pass without waiting for anyone :(

hint hint

2011-10-29T22:50:00.001+08:00

I tried :(

2011-10-28T07:32:00.002+08:00

Current fav song : suave (nayer feat Ptbull mohombi), ra-one chamak chalo and of course dance kuzuro still :)

Aniwae this week coming to an end.. hectiv it is.. my aunt unable to go haj this year.. the saddest thing that happen in my family this year... haiz.... it is all God's will...

Aniwae this weekend i guess i will be with her all the way... and ya strangely things are not happening the way i want it to happen... usually i can foresee but like what ppl say.. expect the unexpected...haiz....

okay gtg assembly..might continue to blog later.... coz today is another sleepy day for me... hehehhhe

a time to myself

2011-10-22T17:32:00.001+08:00

Oopz u actually read my blog??? hehehe how sweet :)aniwae ya now i can see and think clearly... No more doubts :)I tweeted that all i need all along is time by myself... Just now i spend some time alone in causeway point and i felt happy :) weird me i noe!! i felt so recharged coz i hav my 8 hrs of sleep finallie :) I just met my cousin in the bus,.. Okay let's see... Nex week will be a better week for me personally i hope... But at werk is mad rush!Now otw to malini party! Hope i will hav fun :)

bluek

2011-10-06T14:49:00.001+08:00

Today is fun in a way... P1 and P2 the teachers gerek!!! Hhhahhahhaa!! Who say we cannot dance?!!!! Hahhahaha!! Alot of things happen... Been hearing alot of things... Kind of scary... Sometimes they say u noe too much it is not good!!! which i seriously think is true... Malas nak cakap banyak...

geramnye

2011-10-03T12:25:00.001+08:00

Hai people! Had an awesome weekend!! Saturday was great! Morning rush but after the presentation we lepak and red and indra were so hilarious!!! And red did make up and hair for me... Wow!!! Frday nite was great tooo!!! Flyer and movie!!! And humour!!! mixing with them i can just go crazy... 24 hrz entertainment and i'm just waititng for my stomach to burst due to all the laughter... Aniwae yesterday alot of stuff happen... My nenek issue and my sisters and of cpurse me and my mom.. So all the dramas begin and i brought my sis to study at mac when harshad called coz he wants to buy a netbook and there is gaincity at sunplaza... Then went to eat dinner and called red down... Aper lagi.. Pecah pecah perut lagi!!!!! Fara had loads of fun!!! Okay ya now me not geram at alll.... hehheheh... Later i think i feel like going for lessons... To be more producuive of xourse.... And i guess its tine to make new friends!!!! I am trying very hard to move on tau... Especially after that faithful incidentS.... TWICE!!!Okay gtg now for lesson.... After skool i feel like speeding offf!! I want to go threading first though :)

weird

2011-09-30T18:54:00.001+08:00

Dunno watz wrong with me.... One moment hyper one moment i feel zombified...and then i feel sad... Then hyper again... I guess there's alot for me to take... Alot of factos affecting me :( will update later :(

wtfh

2011-09-30T15:58:00.001+08:00

I am totally confused! :/ they make it worst :(

finallie

2011-09-29T18:12:00.001+08:00

Finallie the day ending.... Finallie i got my phone... I forgot to bring to skool u see... Now gg to group discussion then watching movie with red! And his biul friend... Hahaha! Hopefully i can release my tension... I onlee told faridah and the ppl down and raz.... Haiz.... Poor them got to listen to me everytime that biatch create nonsense... But this time i did cry abit coz i very sad... When i am very sad i cry.. When i am very angry i will cry also... Hahahaah cannot help it.... But this time a bit coz a part of my heart dah numb pun... Thabks to her... Hahahhaha!

2011-09-29T14:22:00.002+08:00

I thought i am okay already liao... but when i read again my post...wah lau it still hurts...aniwae today i am so exhausted... 8 periods with my class.. rcess duty... morning problem....haiz....
to add on... i forgot my hp....how sucky can it get... can't wait... after math remedial i dash out of school!!!!! then got group meeting... alot of things in my head.. but i think the healthy way is to divert my negative thoughts... i reaally need a shoulder to cry on.. hhahhahahhaha!

2011-09-29T08:33:00.002+08:00

Today is another day when the devil wants to speak her mind out...
I thought everything was good... i came home before 11 pm k for few days.... but IT is still not happy.... It says that i have changed alot and obviously IT hates all my new clothes... IT is sooooooooo unreasonable..... It says that i work like in a disco!!!! wat the bloody fuck!!!!!!! It rattled on to say all those nonsense.... If i were to apply my knowledge on crtical thinking... whatever she says cannot be taken into account... she assume alot and they are not facts.....
Aniwae...i guess that IT is angry coz i did not turn out to be wat SHE want me to be....

I noe i am being anak derhaka now... but i got to tell u this!!! SHE IS A CONTROL FREAK!!!! everything must follow her way!!!!!!! SHE CONTROL PEOPLE worst than a remote controlling the tv!!!!! people's action she want to control... dressing also.... feeeling also.... who she think she is???? GOD??? She always scold unreasonably... can for once she put herself in our shoes????? my elder sister suffered 28 yrs with her!!! why u think my elder sister has no boyfriend till now....It is all YOUR fault!!!! u control her too much and did not give her freedom!!!!! now u blame and pressure her in getting a boyfriend!! kanena! too late!!! so now u think u can do the same to me!????? u control us freak!!! u keep saying u do a good deed by sending us to skool.... IRRRITATING!!! i dun want u to send me but u force!!! kenasai!! I thought u were kind in encouraging me to take driving license... but u turn me into a driver!!! u dun even let me use the car if i want to go out with my friends!!! u bloody shit!!!
Now u want to insult me and disagree with wat i wear!!!!!! my wish lah... u said i am 24 and i cannot think what is right and wrong... so what i wear now.. i look like a SLUT???!!! u bitch!!!!! I did nothing wrong seh... just that i just changed the way i look.... and i go out for dinner... coz if i'm home she will instruct me to do stuff and they will sleep early... PUKI!!!
I tell u arh... to my relatives who actually read my blog... we look like a "perfect family" and we three sisters are living happily and innocently... but u guys don't know how much we suffered living in the same house as that THING!!! everything she do always got reason...so we have to be careful.... i still dunnoe why my nenek loves her alot compare to my aunty..kalau ikut kan hati i would have run away from that house and live on my own
U noe what.. thank god i still have a loving DAD! i love you father!!! :) i like the way he tegurs me.... it is not in an accusation tone u see... it is more like an advice...and he dun accuse and he listens and he is receptive of people's opinion not like my mom,... she dun listen... seriously she always think she is right... when we correct her.... she will shout... and change topic to scold us about other things.... bloddy nabeh!!
Ya so that is why i dun like to come home already.... i really want to get my mr right soon and get out from that house!!! i am still alive with her thanks to my sisters!! and my father!!

Seriously man... i feel so choked now... the way she scolds me... wah... seriously man... my heart hurts so bad....her words are very sharp... dun bullshit that u think of me... u are just scared that i go away from the house and u will get no money from me rite??!!!! and no one to drive u around??!!! and no one u can order around...u think i stupid ah... FUCK U!!!

SInce i am cursed not to talk back to u... i will take my revenge and i will make sure i will turn my family upside down in my own quiet ways.... MY AIM IS TO MAKE U MALU infront of all my relatives...u think i am still that innocent girl i am right... tell u the truth I AM NOT!!! u just wait and see....watever u accuse me of i will do it and show it right to your face!!!

I have think through about wat u say... i disagree with u all the way... i am sticking to my decision...

tiring!

2011-09-27T18:48:00.001+08:00

Today packed! Onlee one period break coz had vetting for the first 3 periods and lessons straight... Onlee can relax before floorball... Then played floorball :) the new coach is kinda good but not like stephan of course! Hahhahhaha! Okay now gg dinner... Oh ya last nite was great :) will treasure it :)

turn of event

2011-09-26T22:15:00.001+08:00

Lepakin with 2 most important people! Updating more later :) i shall enjoy every moment :)

a burden is gone!

2011-09-26T01:17:00.001+08:00

Okay done with pkm assignment! Now handing in...stuck and jammed...Things i want to do badly:-watch friends with benefits..-to kill u!-to drink as much coke without having cough-to spend more time with U asshole! wahahhahaah! PS: just to let u noe... When u sing my heart melts!! Hahhhahha! Okay fine! Stop it fazi! Stop blabbering nonsense! I realise arh... If i am tired and late at nite i will start to crap but whatever i say is all the things that i really feel... So if u want to dig out secrets from me... Wait till timee like this...hahhaha!Been listening to bound to you!!! Thanks to U :) Hoping for a betterment and inprovement!

messified

2011-09-25T18:48:00.001+08:00

My mind is In a mess... Hard for me to concentrate and do my assignment! Dun want to burden darsha yet with my so called confusions or problemms... Hahhaha gonna stand on my own and settle this myself... After completing my assignment hopefully.. Gonna make some important decisions which will change me... I thinlk this year i went thru a massive change... Wah lau FML! i shall prioritize now! will update later! Never give up on your soulmate! But wat makes u sure she is your soulmate????

try out!

2011-09-25T18:30:00.001+08:00

Dwnloaded this app... Just trying :) now so cool! I can blog anywhere and anytinme :)

2011-09-19T12:09:00.002+08:00

Exhaustion!
Been going back very very late in the weekends....
I'm surprised i can wake up today and go to work and still functioning!!

Weekends awesome!!! it has been a long time since i went out with my younger sis... did shopping and bitching at the same time.. hahaha! aniwae her olevel is around the corner so that is why i didn't bring her out much .... then went to watch johnny english!! damn hilarious!!! :P wat an ending to my nite! not forgetting the great company i have... my sis and the 2 HUNKS!!! hahhaha!
Then sunday did my mom's elearning thingy... completed 3 modules! yippie!! then went jln raya-ing with same ppl.. hhahha... went to abg mohktar's place.... there's chocolate fondue!! yummy!! and there are 2 veteran artists whom i recognized!! and some anugerah ppl whom i DON"T recognize.. as in i haven seen them before...my adik is kinda star struck! hahhhaha... then we lepak for a little while at yishun dam.. cam whoring...hahhaha.... so went back at 12!!

Oh ya friday nite went karaoke-ing!!! till 2 plus am...singing is not really my thing.. but since the company is superb!! so ya nyanyi ajer lah... hahahhaa but my eyes cannot take it!! Hahahhaah! as usual lah...

Okay this week.. let me predict... so far so good.... no one pisses me off yet... trying to avoid all negative things... Today till 6... got floorballl!! :( tired seh! but when i reached home... i will try to start on my assignment....due this sunday... AAARRRRGGGHHH!!!! or should i just sleep???? hahhaha no no!! i must do the assignment!! okay shall head down to macdonalds today... shall drag my younger sis!!

Just heard the thunder.... the weather has been cooling for the past few days!! which is a good thing :)

oh ya by the way i found him cuter now! :P he has been cute lah... but now cuter... hahhahax!!

2011-09-13T07:07:00.003+08:00

Yesterday was damn freaking tired...i didn't even remember how i felt asleep again... when i woke up.. my green tea bottle on my bed.. my hair band on my bed... my phone on the table... strangely when i checked my phone in the morning.. i was twittering HALF WAY and i guess that was when i shut my eyes... Now i am damn sleepy... dunnoe why... that is why i feel like blogging....

One of my friend posted the one of my favourite song last time!! by sugababes! :) -About you now lyrics... I think this song i heard during my JC days?? not sure but very meaningful! :)

Aniwae ya i dunnoe that one word/name/ or watever it is called can really create an impact on me... anyone who said that word to me... my mood will become zero percent!!! hhahhaha.... emo jugak aku ni... but ya for now it is tat word.....

As a warm up.. let's see wat's the plan for today....
LESSONS as per normal...
Followed by LC briefing...
Followed by floorball.....
Followed by completing my markings....
and then i want to go home early and SLEEP!!! aim to sleep at 10pm latest!!!

my eyes are watery... feeling sleepy... today is another dun-talk-to-me day!

2011-09-08T16:48:00.002+08:00

There are 101 things i want to blog about.

HARI RAYA VISITING

Unforgettable! went with my colleagues. 7 houses. From about 1 plus to 12 am!! FUN! alot of children! It has been such a long time since i went out with babies and small children coz my cousins are all teenagers. I carried Juliana's son with my HEELS!! hahhahax! feeling mak mak.. but i salute her man! she has twins and she is the SUPERMOM!!! hahhahax... yesterday was my first time frying nuggets!! scary but kind of fun! first time do the mee thingy... i was trying to help nisa.. hahhaha! but after eating her spicy but delicious mee.... my stomach gave way... diarrhoe..and vomiting! guess my stomach is not as strong as my throat!! goiing visiting like this very the keoh and i kinda like it! I did go visiitng with my NIE friends that time and it was different... very relaxed and calmed... but yesterday was a mixture.. i think coz of the hot mummies! and cute babies! and the princesses and the princes... hahhaha

"PAPPARAZZI"

Guess wat! i am caught in picture with reduan crossing the road....and they made a big HU HA!! surprisingly i can't answer them coz they deny everything i said... hmmmph...and they are "planting" thoughts to my minds!!!! being a woman... which i am ... I AM NOT A KUNSAR k!! i will therefore analyse!
let's see... reduan is a nice guy.. my colleague... and now can say my lepak friend... he can cook... he can decorate... he can put on make up...do my hair... he is talented... he is good looking... hmmmph... i love hanging out with him and harshad and halawah coz very the gerek!!! they are crazy ppl who never fails to make us luff!! he is supportive and has helped me in changing my image to be more girl! THANK YOU reduan!! okay so what to analyse arh!! oh ya he is always cheerful and jokin around...
To me he will make a great boyfriend! coz he got talents and loooks! hahhahahax! wnder why his ex left him also...i guess his nature is as such... loves to help ppl and spread joy...so confirm chop guarantee there is no special treatment for me right people??? so in conclusion, he treats me just like his close friends! Furthermore, i am still confused and unstable with no life girl... guys especially see me as their good friends only... fullstop. In sec sch JC and NIE... haiz... guess i have these tomboy traits...so duh!!! if my very first crush( 6 years ago) doesn't even like me... how can reduan likes me rite?? he deserves better girls lah...must be practical at times... i know where i stand k... OMG i can't believe i am doing this!!

Therefore, after analysing it, i think he treats me like a friend and i guess he is in one of my close friend list!.. u see i have limited number of friends.. hehhhe!! I am honoured to have such a talented friend. Hey!! if i think tooo much... it will be awkward and weird coz i might fall for him suddenly since everyday i will be seeing him in school... NONONONO!!! that is called digging your own grave!!! NO SUCH THOUGHTS!!! ya so ppl who happen to read this.. dun spread rumour!! We are just good friends :)

I am going to let this matter go off from my head asap and be as normal as possible coz i feel quite awkward around him and his parents already... *meditate fazi meditate*

GUY ISSUE

SO now i shall look around for muscular guys?? (NO NO!... high chance of being a gay!).. super skinny guys (kumar??? NOOOOO!) or maybe i just want a broad shoulder guy....taller than me...older than me....mature.....stable... pleasant looking face (dun want hensem one like UTT! or Haizad!!... cannot trust)....and the palm should be bigger than mine..okay maybe this sound reasonable... oh attitude wise.. he must be kind hearted.... okay now i am dreaming about my mr right who i not sure exist or not! This is one thing.. the other thing.. i willll NEVER tell the guy that i like him coz i learnt my lesson :( then how like tat rite....haiz i just wish he will appear in front of me and say that ''Hey GIRL! i am your Mr Right?" kan senang rite....hhhahaha dream on!

I believe in soulmate aka Mr Right. (who is he?... MY HUSBAND!...who is my husband... still finding...)

Fazilah's mission in finding her Mr Right! but right now i am tired (too much has happened).... need a break first... next year i will do this mission more heartily....

SCREWING MY LIFE

All i can say now is 2011 has not been that kind to me yet... still got 3 plus months to go... so hopefully it will be much better....my life is screwed about 70%! I just wished that my family can be a normal and happy family like my friends' family....
I was thinking about it... when i am with my ex... his family is always there for me.. and i find happiness in his family...but after i broke up... all i see in my family are flaws... worst i cannot tumpang kasih aniwhere... except darsha's family... which at times are hard coz my mom dun like my bestie for dunnoe wat reason!!!! ... i feel like i am crazy and weird coz i go around wanting the happiness that i desire... is it normal??? NOOO!! so u see my life is screw up rite???!!!

wow!!! i am being so direct... hopefully my family members or relatives dun get a heart attack reading this!! This is just how i feel.....

i smurf u!

2011-09-05T23:42:00.003+08:00

Current situation: - similar to the 'DOSTANA!' but i like the older one :( hope u guys get it??!!

These few mths have not been so good.. generally i think this year a bit cock up! mom been unspportive... i broke up this year.... didn't really enjoy hari raya... lazy to go visiting.... kinda feel alone alone... but made some good friends who never fail to make me luff my ass out!!!. let's see what happen nex year... hopefully 2012 will be the best year of my life....

oh ya some random thoughts... u noe if i am still with my ex..i would have gotten engaged by the end of the year... wahahahahax!! crappy!! okay enuff...

MOOD: delighted! SMURFIFIED!!!!!!!!

2011-08-23T14:45:00.002+08:00

feelingless and emotionless -- getting used to the treatment already... i am 24 and i think it is about time i make my own decision that makes me happie!!! i can't take it coz everytime i am at the losing end... some say it as sacrifice! bullshit! being nice sometimes also no use! useless!

adios! gonna mark the math test scripts! :)

current mood: sleepy, disappointed and sad

2011-08-23T09:29:00.002+08:00

Okie I manage to squeeze some time to drop an entry...

Okay let's see... today i super sleepy and feel super sick....tml mc?? haiz.. dunnoe leh...

I twittered about the rollercoaster ride a few days or weeks back... guess wat i am back in the ride again... It will onlee end if and only if ********.

Aniwae later i got class at uniSIm!!! hahhaaha dunnoe why suddenly i am excited!! hahahhax...lalalllalala but haiya last few classes already... gonna pick up Malini later and hopefully we can have supper again!!! :)

Actually i want to continue writing but no time!!! 10 more min my class will be taking math test!! all the best to them!!! i am so afraid for them!! :)

okay gtg....

2011-08-18T00:02:00.002+08:00

I am writing this post because of i am upset and frustrated that i cannot sleep because my mind is filled with those words and actions still.

It is strange how life is all just a game. One moment u think u made the right move, SNAP! u got it all wrong again. One moment u feel so happy and the very next second u received a bad news.
WHat kind of logic is that?!! but it always happen to me...ALWAYS!!!

Start with losing my blackberry... then bought an iphone... and family conflict...now everything has been settled... someone called informing that she found my BB... and now when i thought i can be happier both at home and outside.. i was wrong... So it is quite rare for me to be happie all the way without any worries... WHY?!! FML! Everytime when i thought i make the right move and gain a step to be happy something will surely screw up!!!! aaargghh!!! irritating bloody creature!!!!

Aniwae right now i really miss my bestie coz she is always there for me and she noes how i feel but it is difficult to meet up sia... haiz....
I kinda miss Halawah too....

I hate my cough... my chest hurts and my back hurts... i vomited twice.. i dun want to go doc again!! my body will cramp.. trouble sleeping... see what i mean!! it has been for weeks.. it is hard to control your cough sia...

I think this week is kinda sucky for me... i am just looking forward to sunday coz it marks the end of my sucky week....hopefully

COmplain time: what a Bloody B**ch! i only realise it when i told my sis. should have seen that coming... AARRggh~~~!!!

okay gtg zzzzz.... gd nite!!

2011-08-03T14:45:00.002+08:00

Strangest dream ever......felt so true and real but i hate the way it ends.... that is why i wish the ending is not coming true!!!! wahhahahahx

okay today was tiring!! my throats hurt...

Can't wait to drink!!! wakkakaka... after my math thingy i will zoom back home with yani!!!
This mth my mom gave me a warning already... can't buke outside unless it is very necessary!!! sobz sobz... so i need to inform her before hand first..

k.. gtg... will blog at nite later... hehhehe

2011-08-02T07:16:00.002+08:00

Went out with family on sat afternoon... go shopping for my dad!! it has been a long time since i saw him very happy!! we finally get to see the fireworks at tanjong rhu! and ya by the time i am like 10% alive!!
Sunday can't wake up... but have to... then went doc with my dad.... he gave me mc...for sunday and monday.. haiz... thought after the medicine it will be okay but my cough worsen!!!! i dunnoe why also.. haiz..so eat then eat medicine then sleep.. throughout sunday.... then monday can't even wake up.. coz i have been coughing non-stop throughout the nite... monday mc.. dunnoe what happen to my class.. haiz.. so monday which was yesterday.. just stay on bed... eat medicine and rest.. never felt so weak before... coughing like SHIT!!! and then today here i am... tired and lethargic.... but what to do..persevere on....
Aniwae today i shall be a very quiet girl...can't talk much (coughing) and can't eat :(

ANiwae yesterday nite i managed to catch 3 episodes of heartstrings!!! *MELTZ* yonghwa is super duper cool and cute!!!! love him to bits!!

2011-07-29T10:17:00.002+08:00

sick...literally sick... feel so lethargic andd my throat hurts.... and the cough is back... whenever i cough.. i will feel my head being squeezed.. damn painful... and my eyes just want to close... i should have gone to the doc... but today is important!! PAL observation... math test and floorball... monday i am down with the oral thingy...haiz... sat i got class.... how like tat???? i just want to die!!! no moood!!!!

I wonder whether should we actually use our heart or brains to make decision??? I used to follow my heart but it will turn out disaster... but strangely i dun feel any sense of regret....This time i would use my heart again.. i dun care abt the consequences as long as i am happpie :)

2011-07-27T06:41:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was my first class in UNIsim... i was like OVERDRESS!! wahahhahax... ended late compared to reduan's class which ended one hour earlier... my class was boring!! seriously no cute guys!! older guys.. alot of girls and basically quite sucky...only if red in the same class then can talk cock.. luckily i did not doze off in cclass... tak glam!!

not really looking forward to next week.... maybe i will crash red's class next week... not sure yet.. depend on my mood.. hahhahha!!

After class we went out to eat wit raz... fun and full!!!

2011-07-26T09:05:00.002+08:00

Yesterday and today... i wore dresses! ridiculous dresses!!..hahhaha but ppl praise me.. hehehe

All these praises thanks to reduan... He is the main person who changes me... my sisters encourage me and my close friends also...but i thought i would take my time.. but this guy will just force me and i can't say no!!! hahaha!! irritating rite...

felt so paiseh sia.. but just pretend to be confident enuff already infront of students.. hahhaha!..

it feels so good to have a friend who can be your fashion consultant at the same time.. hahhahah!! his taste is like soo good!! it surprise me tooo like how others are surprised!! :)

I am lucky to have such good friends like him around... and I wish halawah is here to see me wear these dresses and the changes i am making..

They all asked me what is the reason for the change.. i have no answer yet coz i dunnoe... maybe because i really want to make halawah, reduan and my sis happy since they really want to make me change my look.. hehhhee..

I can't wait to surprise darsha tooo!!!

THANK YOU REDUAN!!! will treat him one day :)

2011-07-10T22:27:00.002+08:00

Weekend not sooo bad... and not sooo good as i expected it to be :(
Aniwae i realise that u will onlee noe how much that person worth if u let her/him go...
It is not easy but u got to do what u got to do... just let go and see what happen next... risk it...

Okay gtg do werk... and i am very happy to see your response!!!aa

2011-07-08T10:15:00.003+08:00

Yesterday was exhasution... dahlah i have 8 periods..start from 930 all the way to 2pm..then remedial at 230pm till 4pm.. then floorball.. wah... damn hungry and tiring... nearly died!!! but tat's going to be it on tuesday and thursday :( GANBATE!!!
Yesterday wanted to watch K drama...buffered finish but my eyes simply can't open!!!! i slept at abt 12.. wah lau.... i tried to watch but i end up zzzzz... bad day!

Dunnoe why i am still tired today... FRiday is the best day for me!! :) 4 periods aje!! but later got meeting with P and then PLS.... sianz....

Now waitin to do recess duty... i hate to make the lower primary kids to settle down!! :( SUX!!!

ANiwae ya my eyes are closing and tat;s why i blog...

2011-07-06T16:07:00.002+08:00

TodAY there's nothing on after skool!!! onlee a short meeting on floorball stuff....

I will enjoy every moment i have now coz next week onwards is HECTIC!!!!!
Especially after skool... maybe i shall put it down

Monday -floorball @ 4pm till 6
Tuesday - floorball @ 4pm till 6
Wed - FREE!!!
Thursday -math remedial @ 2 -4pm
floorball @ 4pm till 6
Friday -PLS meeting but till 3pm :)

basically sucky days!! so now have to remove pile by pile of work!! and have to work smart already :)

okay adios!!!
Current mood: 100% mendak!! 50% happie!!! 70% uncertainty (abt many things)!!

Youth day!

2011-07-04T12:59:00.002+08:00

Happy Youth Day everyone!!!

CHange of plan today!! haiz.. The initial plan was to do work at wdland lib... but i need the internet and JC will be in school... so i went to skool!! wahahhahahx!!! and ya now in the middle of doing work... but i thought i will drop by my blog :)

Like i mentioned in earlier post... Term 3 will be good for me.. packed with work!! which is sooo true!! but i didn't expect me to be addicted to K dramas till now!!! damn!!!! now in love with the song in city hunter(suddenly)...the song reminds me of you!! (",)

Oh ya yesterday watched transformers with the crazy girls!! best!!! loved the cars!! and bumble bee is soooo cute!!! i dun mind watching again!!

Aniwae...School starting soon.. wonder how it would be like...

Current mood: 80% happy 50%sian 100% in love!! (with lee min ho and yonghwa and hyun joong)

2011-07-01T17:28:00.003+08:00

1 week has passed. It has been hectic and sooooo much work to do!!! can u believe it.. term 3 week 1 and i am already exhausted... been trying to manage my time and it works a bit.... still got remaining hours for myself.... but i made a mistake by starting to watch 2 korean dramas!! (city hunter and heartstrings)and falling in love with korean songs... confession time... for the past 2 days i have been sleeping at 3 and waking up at 5 45.... watching Kdrama for abt 3-4 hrs... 1 episode 1 hour.... and to add on.. these dramas are new and still going on...so have to anxiously wait for the next episode...

That's it for Korean stuff... loving lee min ho...yong hwa and hyung joon....!!! weee!!!

Weekends and youth day... will focus on my work and work and work!!!!

As usual the colleagues are the ones that keep me going and laughing and smiling :P loving them to bitz!! will miss some of them soon... since they are leaving to NIE...HAL.. gaya!...hazel..zaki.. and james! haiz!!!

6 days

2011-06-14T01:24:00.002+08:00

6 days...fantasy vs reality

Many unexpected things happen...
from swearing and cursing to happiness and then finally everything gone... my hopes..my supposedly happy life.. my motivation.. all go down the drain....

that 3 hours on the 5th day just make me feel like i am a loser again.. stupid naive fool!
i took 1 year plus to finally overcome the obstacle but it just take 3 hours to start back at square 1... so many things to fight for in my life right now... i am tired and exhausted...

SO many thoughts running through my mind... to sum up FML!!!

mood: 100% tired.. 100% upset... 100% hurt...

crazy me!

2011-06-08T21:54:00.002+08:00

let's see... been watching movies all the way... at NP! left onlee the dylan show thingy.. haiz...but i watch with fantastic people! :) Halawah is now in cameron highlands.. haiz miss her.. but she will be back tml!!

Okay last entry i mention a few things i wanna do... so far... all i did was spending time with myself... watch korean dramas (instead of comedies..) the addiction is bad... now watching like 3 dramas... finallie found a way to let go of those thoughts and getting over you for once!!! throw darts?? hmmm haven had the opportunity.. hahhaha did update my diary.. i still sleep alot and not so much day dreaming now.... and i go for short drives... hehehehe..

All i want now is inner peace!!(inspired by kungfu panda 2)
I want to get rid of all my old thoughts and sad memories..i want to have a peaceful life so that i can achieve whatever i want...

ANiwae looking forward to shah's wedding this weekend!!! confirm gerek!!! so excited for him!!! :P finallie get to meet my nie mates again!! :) it has been a while since i saw shidi... zaid... raniah.. miss u guys!!

have u ever feel that there is something poking your heart??? it started a few weeks ago ever since that nite... it's like i was so upset that my heart literally felt very painful...felt as if kena poke or somthing.. happen once in a while if i am deeply depressed... want to talk to my mom abt this but i guess better not... she will ignore them aniwae.... initially was scary..i thought i was gg to die!! ahhahahah but it fades off... my depression days will soon be over... all will be well in term 3!!! (I hope!)

i have 6 more months to make 2011 the best year of my life!!! I can do it!!! coz life is short... u got to do the best in everything u do!! :)

2011-06-02T14:07:00.002+08:00

Slowly accepting defeat.. but in TERM 3 i will do it!! i shall dedicate 100% on my work and cca and studies!! SEM 1 have a lot of distractions and uncertainties.. I guess it was not-so-nice period for me...

Been listening to rihanna version of love the way u lie...

Loving it...

On the first page of our story

The future seemed so bright

Then this thing turned out so evil
I don't know why I'm still surprised

Even angels have their wicked schemes

And you take that to new extremes

But you'll always be my hero
Even though you've lost your mind

Now there's gravel in our voices
Glass is shattered from the fight
In this tug of war, you'll always win
Even when I'm right'
Cause you feed me fables from your hand
With violent words and empty threats
And it's sick that all these battles
Are what keeps me satisfied

Love these two parts!!

Now in school.. finding for mood to tidy up my epms..dunnoe where to go and wat to do....
I guess i will head down to some quiet place to finish up my epms...later on i will have tuition and maybe after that i will continue to do my epms... ya i noe me no life...

Hmmmmph.. still thinking whether i should embark on a project,... will it be too taxing on me???? will see how... keeping in view....

Things i need to do now to keep my mind at peace and stable:

1. spent time with myself...

2. watching comedies...

3. throw darts at your face! wAHAHAHAHAHHAX evil me!!

4. update my diary!!!

5. no sleeping and dreaming that much!! come back to reality!!

6. Go for a long drive!!

Camping

2011-05-21T00:03:00.002+08:00

In school rite now.. just helping out at the student leadership camp...
Wanted to sleep with the girls in the library but it is way too cold and my "daughter" is there!! aiyoh!!!

SO ya here i am in school... unplanned for actuallie...

SO far so good... my problem thingy slowly disappearing because i have learn to IGNORE bad behaviours!! hahahhah!! or ignoring unpleasant things.. i will continue to do that and i will be on my happiness track once again!!! :)

hmmm... i am very happy coz i bought 2 skirts and 4 tee!! yahoo!! but all the going-out clothes... :) distressing myself maybe... hahhaha

Current mood: confuse 90% happy 50% sad 10%

2011-05-19T13:16:00.002+08:00

Yesterday nite was fun!! Sattish and Malini made my day... went to have dessert at cafe cartel after the "tuition" session... ever since that incident nothing seems right...today nothing to look forward too... hal and yani went to the traffic thingy... and i have to wait till 3 for the briefing till 430..after which waiting for them to eat after tat!!!

in school...it is MISERABLE!!! only relying on after school hours to keep myself happy and have a social life... the onlee way to escape from that stupid thingy!! AAARRRCGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!

m now moulding my strength again...

aniwae BAGUS coming to singapore!!! my indon friend... it has been 6-7 yrs since we saw each other!!! tak sempat to say gdbye to him at the airport when i went to indon... :(

okay bye!! gonna relaxed myself and free my mind of the problem before i start my work :)

2011-05-17T22:35:00.002+08:00

Updated my diary... shed a few tears while writing and listening to emo songs...i realise my diary cover is peeling off... it is 3 yrs old arealdy.... shedding itz skin.... i have yet to give the 'black feather' to my mr right!

9 days since i blog and many things happened... my happiness reached its peak and it came crushing down...

When i am alone the pictures in my mind kept on playing and it really made me depressed... many thoughts runnng through my mind... and the more i analyse and be practical.. the more pain i feel...

I just wish i could read your thoughts...

Now it is the moment whereby i am back to my "TAT" self... hopefully my colleagues won't notice if not i hav no explanation to tell them coz i can't bring myself to tell them.. it's my own mess u see... no mood to eat.. but i am hungry now... didn't LOL... even though i watch comedy show..but i want to luff! the only thing that i can do rite now is to listen to mar jawan song ....

praying for strength.... both emotionally and mentally...

CURRENT MOOD: 101% depressed..

Prefer to be alone....(locking myself in the room now).....

2011-05-08T16:16:00.002+08:00

Losing appetite to eat :(
finallie told my kakak abt my so-called "problem" and she gave me a definite answer confidently... 'Forget it lah'.. finally a frank answer.... It's like a wake up call for me..and ya tat is what i will do..
SO now at a recovery phase and it sucks to be in this position...but life has to go on with or without u...

Mother's day today.. I Love you MUMMY even though u are super duper ultra fierce and sometimes not understanding and unreasonable and yaada yaada yaaada... but ya i love you still :P

Finallie all the politics are over.... PAP still in power... now trying to look at the positive side..they will help to build singapore to a better future... i just dun want our country to be like thailand...riots and chaos everywhere... or some parts of india where there is corruption....

2011-05-03T23:13:00.002+08:00

Emo-ing!

I have seen and heard enuff from u...
I have given enuff to u....
I tried my very best but it does not matter rite....
My efforts were not appreciated...
Yet u try to push me away...far away... i dunnoe whether u meant it.. i am tired trying to understand what u want from me...and yes slowly i will disappear from you (that is what u want right????)..not to worry..only time will tell..

From now on i am making my own decisions even though u like it or not....i will be brave facing all the consequences....as long as i now my decisions make me happy!! I dun mean to hurt you but i can't stand it if i am unhappy...hope u realise it soon....

But whatever happens i appreciate wat u have done for me and i still loves you! :P i just want to be happie...

2011-05-01T23:06:00.002+08:00

The week was full of ups and downs.. mostly downs... really drained me out... both physically and mentally.... gosh!!! just felt like giving up!! esp that FRIDAY!! my mind was BLANK!! torturous week i would say... but i had a good end coz went to eat at nabinz with red..hal .. karliana..nisa ..saedah and rita! then off we got to karaoke.. but i could not take it.. i slept!! hahhahax.. thought i could tahan but i guess i had a bad friday! and i actually want to back out but they are very enthu so ya no heart to back out also.... imagine if i dun have such superb colleagues which i can call friends... i would just die!! seriously DIE!!

Yesterday went to bugis again but with my aunt and mom and ran some errands. today was super boring... but i pamper myself and bought some computer stuff and ear piece and went northpoint a while... then at nite wanted to watch the rally but toooo many ppl.. ended up in JB..whahahaha... drove to JB and pump petrol... hahhahah!! just gotten back.... jam on the way home....

PS: nampaknyer misi ini semakin rumit...tidak mempunyai byk waktu lagi...mcm mahu putus harapan....

2011-04-25T15:22:00.002+08:00

Wat a day!!! Hectic... exhaustion.. and sleepy... probably coz of the trip...
Aniwae KL trip is super fun!!! finallie able to take picture at KLCC tower there... Ate a lot!!! love subway!!! Problems at home again.. wondering why she is like tat???... but surprisingly i am not as affected as before...probably i am too tired and my work is piling!!!
FYI: i cut my hair a bit... and halawah dyed my hair for me..not so obvious but I LIKE!!! :)
I am super lucky to have her as my friend!! yea!! she will do make up.. do hair.. do facial!! hahhahahha

Today i felt so errr.. energyless!! i can't wait for this week to end!! with floorball games (semi & finals) my observation... haiya!! this week probably i will just drag myself through the week...will reserve my energy for the observation... aargghh!!!!

Hmmm and next monday i shall reward myself..since i have no plans....probably i will go pamper myself or should i just spend hours in front of tv??? hmmm the latter sounds good tooo!!

Okay i guess i need my vitamin c badly now.. *crossing finger* to go home at 6 30 latest!!!

current mood: no mood! organizing my thoughts... behaving like a robot... my feelings are numb!! thanks to Mr 'Work'!!

2011-04-20T14:40:00.002+08:00

Loving Akon Songs again!!!!
Really relaxing!!

Aniwae me now no mood... Just want to complete my work!! which i have tonnes!!!!
Hecking care!!!!!!!!!

Can't wait to go KL... tat's all i am thinking about and nothing else!!! :)
ANd of course next week :P

Tatatat~!

2011-04-19T17:45:00.002+08:00

This is it..

THAT WAS IT??...

yesterday = unexpected!!

today = a disappointment!!

tml = Hectification!

thurs = LOVABLE :)

fri - sun = ENJOYMENT!!!

2011-04-17T22:49:00.003+08:00

went JB just now... and yesternite me ended up at yishun dam with my sister.... Pegi JB buat baju and then eat and eat and eat!!! syiok!!! wahahhax! thank god my stomach was okay :) DUNNO why this song is still stuck in my head ever since yesterday.... previuosly was the korean song now this.... By selena gomez - a year without rain Can you feel me when I think about you With every breath I take Every minute no matter what I do My world is an empty place It's like I've been wandering the desert For a thousand days don't know if it's a mirage but I always see your face baby I'm missing you so much Can't help it I'm in love A day without you is like a year without rain I need you by my side don't know how I'll survive A day without you is like a year without rain The stars are burning I hear your voice in my mind Can't you hear me calling My heart is yearning like the ocean that's running dry Catch me I'm falling It's like the ground is crumbling underneath my feet (Won't you save me) There's gonna be a monsoon When u get back to me ......

2011-04-15T10:11:00.002+08:00

it's the same thing sayang.... Wahahahahx!! update later :)

2011-04-14T09:22:00.002+08:00

Menghapus jejakmu..... Still loving the song :) I dunnoe it will be this tough.... there is always uncertainty... trying to wash away all the thoughts and start anew tapi ade aje yang tak kene...haix... pls give me strength :)

2011-04-13T06:55:00.002+08:00

STop changing my story!... how to tell u that i dun like it when u always change the direction of how the story flows... it is MY STORY!!! Wat i did was just to keep quiet abt it but i am afraid that it will mean yes and to approve of the changes.. damn fazi... u have to speak up!!!! been keeping up with my exercise routine...good job to me!!! my motivation is err... dun really have.. actually i just want to make some changes... but was inspired by my friend to run initially.. I am not at the running stage yet... hopefully soon!!!! reached the slow jogging pace..trying not to walk :) and overcoming the pain!! Just looking forward to the weekend!! :) i want to sleep more!!

2011-04-10T21:50:00.002+08:00

I hate it! weekend felt so fast!!!! Thanks to U... it set me thinking of soo many things... i chose to believe wat i want to believe... stop confusing me can??... i dun really know how to master reading between the lines so most of the time i willl just take the meaning literally!!! but i can so called read people's action a bit..so ya i really hope ppl will just say things directly to me.... i am really lost when u ask me to decipher things.... this is one of my weakness.. and i hate it... ANiwaeee... Saturday... spend the entire day with my granny...very the last minute plan... love her to the max!! miss the presence of my grandpa... *sobz* surviving... less than 5 more mths!!! helpz!! hehee... no distractions plz for me!!!! :)

2011-04-08T10:43:00.002+08:00

Been a wild week 4 me... wanted to start slow with jogging and stuff but now i have jogging buddies... hal and red... they can run!! hahahahx... and my stomach problem start all over again just like in Jc days.. sheesh.. why am i not surprise... in JC days i can't really run alot coz my abdomen is it?... upper part of the stomach willl hurt like shit!! then it can get use to it.. took abt 2 mths? .. so now when i start to run... it happen... but strangely when i play sports it doesn't come... hmmph... aniwae ya i am glad to have a friend who motivates me!! halawah has been such a sweetheart!! she is patient and motivates me and very enthu.... but sadly she has to go off this july to NIE... and then there is red who is so fun to hang out with and quite sweet too... atleast now i got company to run :) i also realise that runniing with friend is much better than alone ..... Aniwae ya today was quite hectic.. and two of my friends at work are really down.... and i felt sad looking at their condition.... i can't really see ppl who are sad and feeling down or angry...wish i can do something to cheer them up... For me i can't really listen to sad and depressing stories... i will have this "funny" feeling and i will feel sad and sorry and all those feelings... sometimes i dun even noe how to react because i am in no position to help them... and i hate it when i can't help ppl when i noe they are in need or sad...especially those i consider as friends..... and i will start blaming myself at times... ya that is a part of me... So for her, me and my friends will buy her some stuff and spread the love! For him, hmmm.. i did pass a note.. and i seriously dunnoe how to help.. but hopefully we will cheer him up by cracking lame jokes and pray that all will be well again.... Ooooo.. the bell just rung/!! gtg!!

2011-04-04T22:10:00.002+08:00

Been a while since i blog... had a wonderful weekend!!... last week had also been a healthy week for me except friday!! hahah instead of jogging i went to lepak at arab street.. ANiwae to day sux! tml i guess the same~!! wat is worst is tat..i can't join fahmy red and the rest for dinner... haiz!!...tml wishing that my day might be a little better... praying for miracle! wed..hmmmm... cca and cca!! thurs and fri i am loving it...THEN WEEKEND!! and the cycle begins all over again!! but i realise that i have to enjoy every moment coz u might never noe when is your last day.... so i am now trying hard to be as positive as possible.. and also practising the law of attraction.....

2011-03-29T22:59:00.002+08:00

hey! back from the course... today was much earlier... reached home at 10 30.. compared to yesternite.. 11 plus... Aniwae had a total fun coz it's game and strategy... less of drilling.... Feels good to workout after soooo long!! I will try to maintain that fitness level... insyaAllah! Will train on my own plus with the kidz :) Now i finally have a game plan in mind...i wil make sure that i play my move carefully and never give up till the game ends!!! And the game ends exactly the way i want it to!!! wahahhaahhax...very competitive and demanding rite... hahaha... aniwae i guess i am the only player coz i trust myself the best! :) *wah action but true rite? I have started it....but made a few stupid mistakes! kena scolding for nothing! Okay my game plan is something to do with my personal life... i am not goign to sa-bo ppl or watsoever... hhhhahhahaha!!! it is for me well-being... coz it is no use to just sit there and accept injustice towards you!!! personally i dun think i deserve it.... so ya i have to do something about it!! :) atleast i will noe that i have tried... but now i am gg to be more courageous!!! jia you fazilah!!... i give myself 5 mths to do something about it!! if can't... hopefully by 8th mth i will end the game! :) This is call bo-liao!!! hahhhahaha... hopefully it works!! :P tired~!!! gonna shut my eyes soon! :) Tomolo will be a good day!

2011-03-29T10:54:00.002+08:00

5 Min to class~~!! No time to blog :( ANiwae wat can i say... been caught up with work... and floorball course.... Aniwae did a minor change... for the first tme i went threading!! hurt like hell!!! Actually quite pleased with the result..... And i had a fantabulous weekend esp on sat with hal and liza! went to watch a play and then lunch (liza treat) and then shopping and lepaking at esplanade!! Sunday was the day i pamper myself a bit... and this week will be a hectic one!!! just wating for thursday to come coz i will not be so packed!!! shall continue later if time permits :)

wat was i thinking

2011-03-26T00:13:00.002+08:00

Updated activities after skool:
wed-town!
thurs-town!
friday-err home?!!!!! (stuck to tv!..watched chandhi chok to china again! and then suria channel all the way..)'

my mood is always topsy turvy... never constant... just like this morning... i feel a rush of happiness when i stepped into the office... then get to noe that my class has no teacher... they didn't plan relief for my class... i was like "WTF!" my mood turn sour...so i went up to my class 1 hr earlier ... and seeing them motivates me.. onlee for today... end of school got meeting for PLS...mealworms have arrived... haven eaten... wah SIANZ!!!!! can't even talk to my friends!! so my mood from 100% SHOOT ALL THE WAY DOWN TO 20%... had floorball...it was okay except that i can't believe i actually shouted at the kids and suddenly i realised that I ACTUALLY NOE WAT TO DO!!! Their positions and how they have to receive or pass... and everything seem so clear now to me!!! i was kinda happy :P but the problem after skool i have no plans... should have ask JC out.. but i was too eager to go home and bathe... oh by the way i was wearing my skirt and blouse while teaching floorball.. coz i thought Mr Ash will stay but he didn't... aniwae ya i went straight back home... i can't bellieve i actually reached home at 6 50!!!

Tml have 3M!! kind of excited!! hehehe... and then the PLAY!!! going with halawah and liza!! tml i planning to go back late again!!! but still no plans after the PLAY...nvm tml i will ask around who is free in the evening! :)

my eyes are heavy now...

PS: thinking of u make me smile! imagine if i see u sia! smile??

2011-03-23T01:12:00.002+08:00

can't sleep... dunnoe why...

so decided to blog...
AFter such a long time.. finally went out to eat with Fahmy! as well as red and hal..
Really wanted to have a break from the rush of work! it's like i sat at my workplace and totally no mood and blank out... probably lack of sleep.... so ya chilling with friends really work!!

Aniwae took cab home so reached home at 9pm ... quite early.. wanted to reach home later but turn out to be early! such a good girl fazilah!!

WEDNESDAY: hectic day!!!

sometimes

2011-03-20T23:55:00.003+08:00

Saw the photos that your friend tagged u in....

Kinda feeling angry and maybe depressed a bit...

I noe it is your life... but why do i feel like i am not in your life anymore....
I dunnoe whether is it me or u....

Baru ajer we kluar...u dun bother telling me anything.. i was so patient with u that sepatutunyer kiter kluar berdue ajer but dier banyak pandai bawak sedarenyer... like ape seh! and then dier mcm dah berubah lah... i dunnoe whther it is me or u that have changed.... aaargghh!!! damn facebook too... it can show more than we expected.... u and ur kawan2 boleh belah lah!!

sekarang... i dunnoe whther to pretend i dun see it or to confront it.... i guess being me... i will probably pretend that i dun see it and keep this case closed!!! aaaarrgghh!!!! i am just waiting for the right time.....

sometimes to be good it is not easy... ppl will "push" u away.... and sometimes to be bad i guess it is easier and u feel accepted at the same time...

Now then i realise how important it is to have a true friend....

Now mcm like i feel like there is no one around me yang i can rely 100% on... sometimes the closest to u may not be the right person to rely on... and sometimes a stranger can help u when u r really in need.... so who to trust??? who to rely on??? still working it out... but i noe God is fair and that is why He blessed me with many good colleagues around at work... i can't have the best of both world rite... that is how i can see it positively...

Current mood: 99% sianz.... 75% missing-u-mood..... 100% thankful to God.....20% happy (have not had a good luff since days ago....)

batam trip

2011-03-16T23:36:00.002+08:00

Batam trip was funtabulous!!

It was a mad rush when we were trying to board the ferry...that was all due to the careless lady who did not scan or do some stuff with our boarding passes... I felt asleep in the ferry... so the ferry ride was okay i guess... hahahax

Tempat senang is very wonderful!! so serene..calm and peaceful!!! after that we went shopping and ate A&W!!! root beer float and curly fries! *MARVELLOUS!*

Reached the resort just in time for dinner and after tat we watched some dvds... everything was perfect except when my foot was bitten by a female mosquito!!! very uncomfortable feeling... Then while sleeping... kena bitten on my hands!!

The next morning we went for a swim!! quite syiook!! however it was a deep pool... kinda tiring... if it was like medium pool atleast can play catching... hahahaha....but we kena chased out for making noise!! but there were like only 3 of us in the pool... and i dun recall me LOL..or we made noise!!

I was trying to run away from having the spa thingy.. but can't... felt very uncomfortable while they scrub my body and all... it was such AN EXPERIENCE~!! if i was given a choice to do it again..i won't take the spa paxkage... i guess i am too shy!!! hahhahax!!! maybe if i'm older than might consider.... after that went shopping again! and then went home...

time flew very fast~!!! when i'm starting to enjoy the trip to the fullest... we had to go back home :( wishing for more trips with the gerek ppl!!

i would like to thank..yani.liza.halawah.syairah(hopefully i got her name correct).katt.rita and reduan for making this batam trip a memorable one for me :) it was my first time to batam and i have loads of fun!!

The clouds passed

2011-03-13T21:57:00.002+08:00

Everything is finally falling back to places...

Had a lot of fun already on the start of holiday!!
Yesterday went out wit red and JC... they were finding for some art stuff... i am the sibuk sibuk one there.... ahhahaa then went IT fair... bodyshop and the other sales items... bought perfume and some body shop stuff... it's crazy man!! were with hal..liza and red's friend (still can't get his name)... then bumped into my other 2 colleagues.. then ate dinner... lepak while waiting for red to watch late nite movie... we watched red riding hood kat amk hub at 1140 pm ... but by then my eyes were teary... dah ngantuk but the stiory not bad... but the cinema is damn cold!! so bring a jacket!!!

Then Hal's bf drove us home.... so sweet of him!! can say one of the best nite for me this year!! besides the KL and the hotel trip... coz the company is great!!!! u all noe that red is a funny guy and his friend is the same.. so is like double dosage of red... and we can go crazy laughing non-stop!!! Laughter really brings happiness... and i strongly believe that laughter is the best medicine in the world!!! :) i noe my laughter is sometimes uncontrollably loud and can be a nuisance at times...but i will try k to control.... i am just afraid if i go out on my first date..the guy would just run away after hearing my laughter...hahhhaha!!!

ANiwae now packing to go batam with another bunch of gerek ppl!!!!! i am very thankful to be in xishan now... the teachers there are like so crazy and insane!!! will be in batam for like 2 days!!! yahooooooo!!!!!!! i think i can't sleep tonite!!!! :)

PS: "i dunnoe when actually...still recalling..."

2011-03-07T18:15:00.002+08:00

indeed today can be called a good day!! didn't scream that much at my kidz..... had recess with them... fun!

Got alot of things to settle... weekends not so productive coz i have been finding excuses to get out from my place but now no more!! will lovk myself in the room!! :) trying my best not to go out!!! :)

GTG back!!

2011-03-07T06:54:00.002+08:00

So far so good...

Didn't talk to her and her!!!

Today let's plan... err.. no plan.. coz got tuition.. how abt dinner? hmmm.. either starve or buy back which means.. i will have dinner at 10!! wah lau!!

Let today be a good day!
Let today be a good day!
Let today be a good day!
Let today be a good day!
Let today be a good day!

***psycho-ing myself***

from now on... IGNORE BAD BEHAVIOUR...easy but diff!

2011-03-06T14:08:00.002+08:00

I have lost the purpose of coming home...
ALot of things have been going on.. been avoiding everyone in the family...
dunnoe wat i am doing.... not wanting to go home....
kinda feel bad coz i made my friends hang out with me till late...wat's wrong with me!!

Okay i am locking myself in the room right now... later going to meet farida at her place.. how exciting... been thinking thru... i am making the situation worst i think....

Now i shalll write down the solution that worked best on me...those having same problems should try out...

1. Ms Yani advised me to SWITCH OFF! (tat means.. ignore watever she say) and i am going to do just that... i will only talk to her if i find it necessary... this also apply to my adik and maybe my whole family... i dun want to inform them about anything that happen in my life or at skool.. useless.. no one want to hear it anyway... they will just tak layan..so why waste my breathe rite...

2. Enjoy my life.. go out with friends... shall not burden them with my problems anymore.. i reallly feel bad... so the best thing go out and enjoy and laughing it out (my crazy friends..esp that reduan.. the funniest joker i ever met! he will do nonsense and kuku stuff and never fails to make me luff! though at times it can be quite annoying but funny lah he

3. If i have any problems i will write down in my diary (i do have a diary hor!) and of course will tell darsha!! or my elder sis... they are the ones who noes me inside out... coz i have been bothering her since years ago... hehhehehe and shall not upset the rest :)

4. Life is too short... gonna do the right thing now that benefits me!! work and soon study.. no more finding for mr right! he don't exist!!!! wasting my time onlee!!!

Aniwae i am glad that my colleagues are my FRIENDS...... they are all very helpful!!
thank you and soory to trouble u guys too...
faridah.halawah.yani.rita.hazel.fahmy.reduan.gaya.JC.addy.gab.mabel.and zaki. Thanks for being there when i needed someone.

2011-03-04T10:15:00.003+08:00

I broke down!!!
Been enduring the pain since the last time i broke down... which is last year~!!
Can't help it...
will talk about it later.. if not i will just tear again...

finally something to smile about!!!
-going KL with fahmy and saedah!! so harpie!!!

Will blog more about it later!

The chosen one!

2011-03-03T14:33:00.003+08:00

kuch kuch hota hai??

wahahhahax. they say it will just take a moment to love someone and a moment to hate someone... wonder whether it is true....

Today is much better!!! probably coz i did not talk to her for quite long....
and maybe because i shared my problem.. hmmph maybe... sometimes i just feel like shouting out my secret to the WHOLE WORLD!!! but i can't!!! i can't keep it any longer... it is killing in me inside out!! i guess coz i am aging..wakakakakka

ANiwae now got piles and piles to mark!!!!

strangely my student sms me!!.. she doesn't talk... but she can be naughty at times.... she is adorable... she is upset coz she got chicken pox... poor girl...

My thoughts are all over the place... and my table is very very untidy!!! i guess i need to have a rest first....hmmmph... hahahhaha ...

current mood: 70% confused 20% stress 90% happie :) 50% still thinking about that....MANAGE~!

2011-03-03T09:23:00.003+08:00

Finally opened up to the malay teachers about my family... it is too long a story... started out in 2005... still looking for a better solution....

haiz... no use trying ot be good at times...

gonna go for lesson soon.. alot of work to do... can't wait for tml to end! sadly i can't make it for tml outing.. gonna miss all the fun :(

will blog more later....

2011-03-02T16:18:00.002+08:00

Okay wokay!

Feel much better now.... gain back my appetite...
but pissed off by HER sms... in the middle of doing my work...

Haiz... nampak gaya tak tido lah malam ni lagi.... will have tuition later... to sort of distress also....
atleast i can have a night ride alone :)

average

2011-03-02T08:07:00.004+08:00

wanted to blog yesterday nite... but as usual... when i am on my bed.. my eyes auto shut...

Yesterday was one hell of a day... in school was hectic and all as usual... it happen after school... had no appetite to eat though i am deadly hungry... then went out with the usual ppl.... went to arab street.. still no appetite to eat!!!!!!! aarghh... i think masuk angin is it??? i dunnoe also...

Then after tat met darsha ... finally i decided to drop by her office at woodland... on the way in the train then i realise why i have no appetite and kind of hard to put a smile... luffing is another story coz the ppl i go out with is funny to the max!!! just smiling is kind of difficult for me nowdays ever since that faithful day...

So when i met darsha i kind of pour out my problems which surprisingly i have kept inside me for so long... We re-open the topic again...

The 3 things she advise me to do:
1. do not feel guilty
2. learn to love yourself
3. smile (which is now i find the hardest to do)

I think it is a good advice.. it can appply to other ppl also... I am very glad that i shared with her my problem coz she is the onlee one who noes me inside out except for my younger sis of course... but u noe wat my adik has been neglecting me ever since she and my kakak is having korean addiction... they will watched the youtube like 24 hrs... talk to her like talking to the wall.. so tat is why now i prefer to go home late and hang out rather than be at home and alone...

Gonna start work very soon... hopefully the 3 things will help me out in terms like this...

everything happen for A reason... and i am still wondering why it happen??

2011-03-01T10:43:00.003+08:00

Shall make use of this short break to blog..

Today started off quite hectic with the mini mini prize giving for floorballers...
Then now it gets more and more hectic... just waiting for my 5 periods straight of teaching~!!! really messy... teaching.. group work..then individual.. and then back again.. aiyoh.. can be quite messy...

But watever it is .... I LOVE MY CLASS still~!!! I love ALMOST everyone! hahahah...

Hmmmph... later after school will settle some stuff... hopefully can leave school before 6!! Charged my mp3 already so can listen to the songs!!!

I want to watch RANGO!! saw the trailer... damn cute and farni!! now need to find ppl to watch with me on 10 March or maybe that weekend! :) something to look forward tooo....

Oh ya before i forget... i would like to thank fitri and halawah for giveing me your support and encouragement :P But i feel like quitting ... i am gonna let them down sooner or later :( -----------[*stop thinking negative!!]

Current Mood: 40% drained... 60% sleepy... 30% happie... 70% "feel-like-punching-someone-face-mood"

:)

2011-02-28T20:28:00.003+08:00

Yea!! xishanitez won!!! so proud of them!!! though at times they can get on my nervez but they did a good job!!! :) so happie!! Junior teams starting to train... gonna work hard and push the students in both academic and sports... we can do it!! :)

When reached skool...almost every one has left... :( tat's how it is... my mondays kinda of sad... can't really "lepak" with my colleagues...

tml will be a long day!!!!!!!!!! aaargghhhh.... but after skool.. thank god there is no marking.... tml if possible i want to go back early and meet with bestie.. hopefully....haven plan yet....

aniwae i am soo looking forward to March hols... going batam... meeting up my old friends and etc!! :)

oh ya today i am the last teacher to go back... guess wat time.. 645!! early sia...i was kind of afraid so i left the skool... hahhahaha..

Hmmm wat shall i do tonite!! like any other nite... sleep!!! maybe youtubing!!

PS: Wat more can i ask for rite??? i am happy to be me!! (Mrs Rama talk for my class just now.)

2011-02-27T12:11:00.002+08:00

What to say..
Yesterday was kinda of hectic.. went to school..then wedding...then nenek's place.. then dinner then nenek's place... tiring!!
today i dun want to do anything!!! i just want to stay at home and ROT~!! wahahhaha actually more time to myself :)

Watching pyar mein kabhi kabhi... a movie about college ppl and a group of friends....kinda interesting

when the first time that we met... hand in hand we walked...
this heart of mine went crazy...that's when it knew what love is about....(The song in that movie!)

is it a sign or a coincidence...
had been dreaming about him.. then i saw his proton car that he sold off... the things that he gave me.. and my sis mention about him...i feel kesian at him... i really want to noe how he is...coz he did mentioned some stuf......

2011-02-25T10:52:00.002+08:00

F@^%!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH~!!

FREAK~!!!!!!

Pissed off~!

Not going to talk to anyone~!!!!